First let me thank all of you again.  I made this blog as a request to a freind of mine.  He and some people like him, cannot afford certian things like a telephone, cel phone a pc and the internet.  But they get together at a freinds house that can afford it and they read my blog.  They enjoy the stories of my new life here in Japan.  They supported me long before I got the decision to come to Japan and get my girls.  I had this blog before then but I did nothign with it.  It just sat empty until I used it to speak of Mifume.  Then I stopped using it.

 

Before I go to bed tonight I was going to tell you what happened with Akira and the projector.  He came we watched we turned on the projector got him t go to the kitchen to get Kiyomi adrink and he didnt notice it at all.  Infact we sent him in there twice.  I drove him home we came home and I forgot I left it on and scared myself were I slammed my toes on the leg of the kitchen table in my haste to get away.

 

But back about this blog.  WHen I added my friends to it I was at 12 people.  Those 12 that I signed were the ones who really wanted to read the blog.  I sent freind requests to people on my email list whom might want to read it.  Many of those have gone un-answered.  Its the people whom I do not know that have come out and sent friend requests to me all also sending perosnal messages.  People like Sue and Bret and Gilka whom write comments.  Others are personal messages from people asking not to make a comment openly cause they were children whom never got adopted.  They became adults and are now finding their own way in life, but have found my blog from word of mouth and now read it as a source of personal comfort.  And they tell me with words of encouragement that I am doing right, and were they think I may be wrong.  I do hear them out, for they were the ones whom were never given a chance to start a home.  One woman who is toreemain nameless out of her request told me she was angry inside.  She was never adopted.  Her life has been less than stellar, but has found comfort in this blog.  It is giving her the strength to mak the choice to put her life in a diary.  And perhaps share this diary witht he world one day. 

 

This blog has grown to more than 350+ whom read it.  I average 90+ readers a day now.  And every day the firends request keep rolling in,  some slow days I get 3 requests, some busy days I get more then 10. 

 

I am happy now I made this blog.  And tonight as I lay down to sleep I am feeling inside of me the things I have been really mising in my life.  Joy, comfort, assurance, and most of all Happiness.  I look foward to every new day.  I enjoy the comfort of these two girls.  So let me make a choice here.  I will as you read this blog will go for adopting one more child.  Why not.  I also having a heart to heart with Umi that perhaps I will remain here in Japan.  The only family I have in the United States are in Spanish Harlem from my mothers side of the family.  I was even looking to purchase a home in New York since both Kiyomi and Hatsuko seem to be gifted.  But I think right now I need to just slow down and stop planning so many things.  Just take it as they come.

 

I am not promised tommorow.  So let me live one day at a time and live for my girls.  So let me go to bed, and wake up in several hours.  The morning brings a new start. 

My sister Umi and I were chatting yesterday.  She got just married and we were talking about our new lives.  She just got married, I just became a mom.  She  wants to start a family real soon.  And we talked about the things I thought were not worth mentioning here.  Coloring.  I bought some crayons and coloring books.  Yes both girls are older but sometimes its fun were we three just lay on our tummy's and decide  and we choose colors.  Its little things like these that I have been doing with them.

 

Then Umi says to me that perhaps this was long overdue.  And shes right.  I shoudl have adopted a lon time ago.  But a long time ago I thought I was not ready.  So I need to share my story on Jessie. 

 

I had a girlfriend named Candice.  She had a son.  And for seven years I helped raise him.  I saw birthdays and holidays but I never considered him to be my son.  Candice was the girl that I told you about whom left without reason.  She just felt like it.  He had a room in my house, his stuff was gone even his bed, and I remember that emptyness.  He was a good boy.  I totally forgot about him till Umi mentioned those words.  All this time I wanted to be a mom, and I was worried about how kids would see me and I totally forgot about Jessie.  I remember him calling me once after his mom took him away and he told me he missed me.  I dont know what ever came of him.  But I am sure he will be well.

 

Then there was the time my nephews stayed with me.  They are still angry with me, especially William.  But that is a subject I will not speak of.

 

Here I am debating abotu mother hood and I see now that it was part of my life all along.  I was just not smart enough to see it.  But I remember the times I did special things with those kids, much like I did with Hatsuko and Kiyomi.  All these memories of mien coming back to me now.  New ideas and new ways to see things.  I guess I just needed to pay more attention.

 

So tonight I get to be more than a mom.  I get to be a naughty underhanded woman.  See, tonight Akira is coming to the house to watch that same horror flick with us.  The same one I showed the girls then scared the living hell out of them with the projector.  Kiyomi thought it would be great if she did that to Akira.  And I with my evil mind am thinking YES YES!  Now for some of you out  there reading this, you are all wondering why?  I tell you why, cause this is what memories are made of.  Could this lead to a problem with them?  Maybe, but even I cannot resist the temptation to see what will happen.

 

So popcorn?  Check!  Movie?  Check!  Laptop?  Check! LCD Projector?  Check.  How to set it up and how to get him to enter a dark room?  I got an idea.  I will let you all know how this goes down!  I would have invited Corey but as I told Hatsuko, the fact its in Japanese might mae it akward for him.  She is going to see him on Sunday though. 

 

You all take care and see you all in a few hours when i tell you all how it went.  Hey this is how memories are made of!   

 

 

One thing I can say about us women is we are sneaky.  Men try to be sneaky and some are usccesfull but we women will always have the upperhand.  And we are far more vindicitve.

 

So let me tell you what happened.  I took Kiyomi Shopping for school clothes.  Shes going into Junior High, there fore she needed a uniform.  So I got her several, one for each day of the week, an attache case and a Tennis Racket for afterschool sports as required by the school.  It was either swimming, soccer, track or tennis.  She selected Tennis.

 

Yesterday I wake up.  When I am sleeping alone I prefer to be in the raw.  But I dont walk around in the raw infront of my girls cause I dotn want them to think its ok and have them doing the same thing.  So all I got on is a T shirt.  I go downstairs I am yawning.  I stop to brush my teeth, and as I am brushing my teeth I lean in to spit when WHAM!  I take a racket to the ass and my head goes into the wall.  Both girls are there laughing I am in pain.  They quickly realise they are in trouble so they dart tot he kitchen, scarf down breakfast and make a beeline for the door to go to school.  I am thinking OK as soon as I can stand up straight and put on my contacts I am going to get revenge.

 

Now when I get even I dont do it half mast I go all out.  I went out in town and I bought a scary Japanese Horror Film.  Then I went out and bought a LCD Projector the kind you connect to a Laptop.  I surf the web and finally find an image of the ghost character that is in the movie.  I set up the projector in the dressing room downstairs and set my laptop to have the ghost image as the wallpaper and quickly learned I can stop the screen saver and set the screen so it has no folders.  SO it looks like a web page.  I shine the image on the wall.  Perfect.

 

They come home I pretend nothing is wrong.  We have dinner and I tell the to play the Nintendo cause I was taking a bath first.  After my bath I treat them to ice cream and the Horror Flick.  On purpose I tunred off all the lights and I joke with you not, that movie was pretty good!  So the house is dark they are afraid to walk in the dark I say both of you get nekkid and in the bath.  I walk them there they drop clothes go in and I set towels out for them.  This is were the fun begins

 

The projecter normally takes time to warm up so I started it wheil in their bath and just waited.  They come out in towels and go to the dressing room to put on pjs.  In the kitchen is the circuit breaker and i was lucky that I had one swtich that turns off the lighs in the house but not the outlets.  The projector is already on I hit display button and kill the lights.  Kiyomi screams, Hatsuko just makes a break for it.  All Isee is a blur from what little light there was.  I must make note.  When properly motivated Hatsuko can run like a rocket.

 

I walk in on Kiyomi and shes frozen stiff.  "Kiyomi honey, just so you know, its not a great idea smacking mommy in the ass with a tennis racket.  I could have been doing my contacts and perhaps hurt ny eyes.  Now please tell me you wont dfo that again?".  Shivering and wet she agrees.  She gets dressed still shaking and we search the house for Hatsuko.  She cant be hard to find.  Shes about yay big long black hair wet from a bath and naked.  After a extensive search I find Hatsuko in the Futon closet in my bedroom.  I opened it she closed it.  I say Hatsuko its mommy, she sayd I dont believe you.  I say it is, she still wont by it.  I had to go downstairs grab her PJ's and after struggling to get the door open toss them in.  But still she wont come out.  I say ok you can sleep in there but what if that ghost comes pays you a visit in there?  Not a lot of room to hide now is there?  She gently slides the door open and sees its Kiyomi and I.  The words are repeated to Hatsuko as I did with Kiyomi as to why its not nice to smack mama in the ass.  Both girls slept next to mee all night.

 

Lesson learned.  When playing practical joke on mom make sure its a nice one cause mom is very clever at getting revenge! 

 

 

Brett asked, What about the thong?

 

OK this is the best answer I can give you.  Have you ever seen the movie Chicken Little?  Remember after he kissed that girl duck and how sprung in love she was?  Thats Hatsuko right now.  Not a care in the world.  Japan could have a earthquake right now (and it might too we got a prediction for a bad one!) and she would be on cloud nine smelling flowers going over in her ehad about that kiss and her puppy love.

 

So right now I am debating which was better for her.  Thong panties or the discovery of boys?  Either way I think I released a LION!

Hi everyone!

 

Well this is what went on Monday evening.  We drove to the base waited at th emain gate till Corey and his dad showed up and they escorted us onto the base.  But here is the capper.  We went to the Crossroads mall on base.  Hatsuko is like sprung.  COrey is trying to talk to he rin  Japanese and I notice he is using a book by the title of "making out in Japanese".  I am very sure his older brother or some marine on base there got him that.  But they are not makign headway and I see it losing ground fast.  The boy is losing heart Hatsuko seems a tad sad.  Well they both stoped trying to talk and for soem odd reason they started drawing pictures about the same time on some paper there and suddenly it worked.  They started to express what they were thinking in drawing and mind you both can draw very well and suddenly smiles are back laughter begins and that sparkle in Hatsuko's eyes returns. 

 

As parents we watched from a distance and it was kind of cool.  Then the two went for a walk together and we figured they were just strrolling but they didnt come back.  So we went looking for them and found them nearby a fountain.  They were holdign hands and her head was on his shoulder and his head on hers.  It was so cute!  They didnt knwo we could see them.  But they in their own way found a way to talk.  Then Hatsuko leaned in and kissed his cheek, he smiled and returned to her the kiss.  Right before my eyes in these past few weeks I am watching these girls suddenly bloom. 

 

Truth.  Its too young for her to be kissing a boy.  But at the same time, look were she was before I came here.  She already had some exposure to the real world and how cruel it is.  People come to visit and they pass you by to see the younger child.  You wait in silence every day for someone to make you their own.  Its a beautifull thing to be loved.  So let Hatsuko and Corey have this moment.  Let them gaze upon the sky now that the stars have come out.  Let them giggle let them laugh let them share every small kiss that makes them happy.  No one is promised tommorow.  So for now let them have this moment.  Who am I to ruin it.  I am her mother.  But even I would love a moment like this to rest my head on Kathryns shoulder and kiss her cheek and have her kiss me in return.  I will never have that moment.  But I can watch this unfold in all its innocence and smile and shed a tear that I am part of something wonderfull.

 

A simple dare to put her in check turned into time spent in the company of someone who makes you happy other than your family.  So you go Hatsuko.  Have your moment with your Backstreet Boy!

 

 

LOL

 

OK she got me good.  She is the adventorous one.  I was not going to write thsi but somethign special happened Sunday night. 

 

About 5 PM Kiyomi called me letting me know she was going to eat dinner with Akira parents at the Chicken Shack.  For those of you who are new reaidng this the Chicken Shack is a restaurant that is completey outdoors in the woods.  No roof no floor.  the tables are made out of the forest itself from trees that toppled over, then cut and finsihed.  The seats are made out of either rocks or trees themselves.  A few minutes later Hatsuko cell rings and its that American Boy.  His father is asking to speak to me.  Hatsuko cant speak english but she understands enough to hand me the telephone.  We as a family have been invited to come and have Ice Cream for today Monday at 6 PM.  Which I might add is under 3 hours from now as I write this.  I tell Hatsuko she is shocked and to my suprise the boy; his name is Corey, actually would like to meet Hatsuko again.  Hatsuko who spent the evening drawing hearts on a piece of paper was really shocked. 

 

So before 8 PM Kiyomi comes home.  I ask her how her day went and she is happy.  Hatsuko and I already ate dinner and it was a continous convo about how Corey is so cute and she is excited that I was ready for a new convo really.  First Hatsuko and Kiyomi shower and bathe together as I was cleaning dishes and I could here them in there squeeling about their day.  Fianly its my turn I go in bathe relax then come out. 

 

I move to my bedroom and i am drying my hair infornt of the vanity when Kiyomi asks to come in to talk to me.  I say sure and we both sit and she tells me about her day with Akira.  They spent most of the day really getting to know each other and believe it or not they built a sand castle together.  Throughout the day she told me his parents and asked more questions about our family.  They learned that I am an American and single and Lesbian.  Which didnt seem to matter to them.  But the real shocker for Kiyomi was to learn that both of Akiras parents were orphans themselves.  She had told Akira the day prior at the arcade and he had told his parents.  So to them they do know the kind of life Kiyomi has lead,  But unlike Kiyomi, no one ever adopted them.  They worked very hard and opened a printing shop which has become succesfull for them.

 

Now this is were this takes a deep turn.  Kiyomi looks at me and says she is sorry, and I ask her why.  She tells me that when she learned from me that I was a gay woman all she could think about was getting away from me.  She was in heaven and said that everything that was going on prior to her learning was too good to be true.  The clothes the makeover the new life.  It was all so much.  She was waiting for a catch.  So when she heard me utter lesbian she immediately thought my inentions were purely sexual and I was a dark wolf waiting for my day to strike.  So Kiyomi, at one point wanted to run back to the orphanage.  She couldnt trust me at all.  Then when she brough Hibiki home, and he saw me as I was, it again was too much for her.  My mom is gay, boys notice my mom more than me, what about me, this cant be my new life. 

 

At the restaurant she was feeling better about herself but still not completely trusting of me.  But to do as I did with the menu and suddenly meeting Akira the way she did helped her see that maybe I am not who she thinks I am.  Then after talking to his parents and they come from a point of view as orphans and parents themselves she felt that she could be wrong.  So she turns to me in her eyes I can see these tears and she asks me, What is it you want from me mom?  And I tell her, only the best for you in this world.  And the chance for you to try to love me.  I cant make you love me Kiyomi, only you can.  I never stoped caring about you even when you were angry with me.  I am not a sexual deviant, I am not a homewrecker, I am just a woman who wanted a family.  To have my family love me as much as I love them.  To see you grow into a fine woman and be either a great mom or a succesfull career woman.  And god willing, perhaps both.  Maybe one day grandchildren that I can spoil.  But before you even reach that day I think Hatsuko will beat you to the punch at giving me a grandchild.  Kiyomi chuckles.  Then she jumps onto me and hugs me tight telling me yes mom I can love you please forgive me.  And she starts to cry that shes sorry.  I hug her very close to me.  This is the kind of love I have been missing in my life. 

 

Times like this are very beautifull.

 

I asked her again to tell me about her day with Akira.  She told me that for a while they walked barefoot on the beach holding hands.  Then out of sight of his parents they stoped again for a moment to kiss.  She said his kiss was very gentle.  And every kiss after that became more comfortable.  She said the best was when she raised her arms ato embrace him and he felt his hand son her back.  Every kiss every touch was soft and loving.  They both talked about how good it felt to have a boyfriend/girlfriend. 

 

Most of all though was when Kiyomi stoped and looked at me and said, Mom, you made that happen for me.  Again she huged me one more time and told me thank you for getting moe out of that place.  I am happy you're my mom.  And mom.  I love you now matter what.  I am not ashamed to say my mom is gay.  She kissed me on the cheek and told me she loved me once more and went to her room. 

 

I turned the light off and as I was settling in to sleep I could here Kiyomi laugh some more about Hatsuko and her kiss to Corey.  Both are excited about Monday coming and going to see the base and having Ice Cream.

 

Time is 343 PM Monday.  Girls are on their way home right now.  I will write about what happens tonight when we three go to meet Coreys parents again.  But just to be safe I think I will stop by the pet store on the way there and put a shock collar on Hatsuko so she doesnt jump kiss that poor boy again.  LOL

 

Lets see how this plays out.  If I am right, it will be nothing mroe than just 2 kids having a good time nothing more.

Thank gawd its Monday!

 

This has been a very interesting weekend.  As you read Kiyomi got her first kiss with a boy and shes glowing.  And Hatsuko raised the bar in terms of bravery.  So let me begin.

 

Sunday morning I woke up and was making breakfast.  Both girls came downstairs and we were having the TALK.  In perfect timing, her phone rings just as we finish this talk about boys and sex and its Akira.  He is asking for me due to his parents want to talk to me.  I am like OK.  So she passes me the phone and I speak to his father.  His family was planning a day trip to Oshima Island for a day at the beach and they would like Kiyomi to come along.  They want to get to know her.  I ask Kiyomi she is a glow and I say yes.  Kiyomi scrampbles around to get some clothes and a bag ready.  Then its what do I wear and doing her face.  So while she is on her rampage, I turn to Hatsuko and say, shall we have some 1 on 1 time today?  Hatsuko smiles and we change our clothes.

 

After a while my cell phone rings its Akiras father.  I gave him my number to give him directions to my home once he got to my city limits.  I step outside and wait for them.  Kiyomi is all ready shes done her face she looks great.  Again we great each other they put Kiyomis bag n the car and I watch them drive away. 

 

Hatsuko already knows were she wants to go.  Iwakuni.  2 places.  One the shopping area of Fuji Grand and the second the area infront of the main base.  They have clothing stores there too.  So we head into Iwakuni and we are at Fuji Grand.  After a bit of I want this and I want that and I am ok but lets get a few things for your sister too Hatsuko brings up the issue of the thongs again.  No I am getting upset.  I am a tad hungry as is she so I say OK lets got to the top floor get lunch and we will talk and you tell me why you HAVE to Have these.

 

Again Personally feel a girl of 10 is far too young to be wearing thongs.  I do remember back in Arizona a few stores were criticised for selling thong panties to girls that age.  The GAP stores even had a line of thong panties for just that age group.  So ok there are girls her age that are wearing them.  But I cannot let her think that she really needs these.  As an older woman when her matruity level is far greater then she can buy whatever she wants and wear what she wants.  Now this is were I make a complete ass of myself right now and a hipocrite.  I myself dont wear any.  But the issue here is do as I say, not as I do.  Cheap excuse I know but I am sticking to my guns here.

 

So we sit down to McDonalds and Hatsuko tells me about how she hates panties in gerneral.  Main reason?  She finds them binding and to have visible panty lines is annoying.  So I make it clear to her.  that I dont care.  I am not having you run around at her age worried about panty lines and who can see them.  You are to get an education.  Go to school develope your mind, use your talent for fashion and perhaps work at a company that designs clothes or get a job in a publishing company that is for fashion.  But as it stands now at 10 years old you will wear regular panties, you will get used to them.  And if I ever find out you are not wearing any, you better come with a very good excuse explaining why.

 

Hatsuko gives me the evil eye.

 

So we sit therein silence, shes pissed off.  I keep talking to her and still no response back.  She just eats slowly.  So sitting over 2 tables from us is a family from the Marine Corps base nearby.  They are just settling in and I see a boy about the same age as Hatsuko.  Hes cute, sandy blonde hair looks like a backstreet boy.  I tell Hatsuko, he isnt he cute?  She looks and says yeah.  I say why not talk to him she says no.  I said oh come on and she gives me the evil eye again.  I say Hatsuko what will it take to make you happy?  She looks at me and says its allright.  I say Hatsuko, she says "Thongs I want thongs!".  Grrr.  So ok I  know how to fix your ass!  I say OK you want thongs, OK here is the deal.  See that boy?  The American.  Get him to be your boyfriend and I will personally use the laptop and order for you thongs form two stores in America!  Hatsuko looks at me with a get serious look on her face.  I say no joke you do that and I will make it happen. 

 

Now whats running in the back of my ind is this.  She will chicken out.  She will be to embarrased to try to talk to him and realise that for thongs this is not worth it.  Pluse there is a language barrier.  So she will not see it through and I will end it OK end of discussion.  When you get older and more mature I will reconsider it perhaps.  So as I take another bite of my Filet o Fish Hatsuko turns to me and says, How do I talk to him?  We both dont speak each others langauge?  Oh shit?!?!?!  Is she considering it!?  So I raise the anty.  Ok I will help you.  I am american after all.  So I teach her to say her name in english and to say to him, I think you are handsome.

 

With a quick instruction I see Hatsuko repeating it to herself several times.  She gets up and walks half way stops and turns to me with this look of fear in her eyes.  I am thinkinh Hah!  I got you now!  She walks back and stops turns around takes 2 more steps stops again.  When she stoped that very same boy got up from hsi seat and I overheard his mom tell him to get a new soda for her.  Suddenly Hatsuko  says outloud Sumimasen!  And the boy stops to look at her and she has this look of oh dear.  I am like no way is she really going to do this.  As his family looks on she walks up to him and she tells him in her best english "you are very handsome".  He smiles and says thank you, his father tells him to sy Arrigato.  His father goes come on son practice your Japanese.  Hatsuko is blushing, and as he tries to say his name Hatsuko pulls a Kiyomi by grabbing him buy his shoulder and kisses him.  I like everyone around me gasps.

 

I jump up and I start apologising.  Hi I am her mother I am so sorry.  Meanwhile those two are still looking at each other and I am calling to her.  Hatsuko!  Hatsuko, come here.  I tell you right now.  The lights are on but no one is home!  I gently pull Hatsuko back, OK its time for us to go home, let me grab the bags of what we bought and she darts for him and tries to kiss him again and he is pulling back.  I turn Hatsuko to me I tell her in Japanese, OK you win you dont have to prove anything else to me.  Hatsuko though wants to kiss him again. 

 

Again I apologise to is parents meanhwile his 2 older brothers are giving the boy a hard time, he dude you finally kissed a girl!  And they are riding him very hard.  This is the time I am talking to the parents and I am explaining myself and why.  they are surpised to learn I am an American but the father gets a good laugh out of it, but mom was not very pleased.  This si hwere I see that Hatsuko wrote down her cell phone number and hands it to him.  I am looking to run and hide about right now so I just grab her by the hand and pull her out the store.

 

In the car I am driving home feeling very stupid about right now and she is next to me all talking about it.  I kissed a boy oh wow it was just like what Kiyomi said it wa mom.  I kissed a boy I feel so good!  He is blonde and green eyes and handsome.  Mom I kissed a boy mom!  Did you see me I kissed him!  Oh wow I cant wait to write this in my diary.  Wait till Kiyomi gets home!  She only kissed a Japanese boy I kissed me an American!

 

Someone smack me about right now

 

 

 

 

Coolness.  Kiyomi started to act like her old self again after that convo we had.  Which makes me feel great!. 

 

Now one of the readers in here sent me a message privately telling me Happy Easter.  I was like, what its Easter?  See in Japan they dont celebrate Easter.  Now I cannot go out and buy a basket with chocoalate but I can make one.  Problem for me is were to begin?  Now we did this yesterday on Saturday.  I said hey we got a new start, lets go back to Hirshima and do the Hondori Street shopping area.  I was there and I saw a beauty salon, and I said why not go in all three of us and get a manicure pedicure treatment. 

 

That was a real cool choice.  We all three sat down and the ladies were real nice about how mom was taking then to be pretty.  Then the topic came up I was American and I had adopted them.  Then it was like a special moment cause some of the ladies made comments how many Japanese moms dont really do a mother daughter time like this.  So to see me with my girls like this was things they wished they had done with their own mothers.

 

After the salon our deet are feeling that wierd feeling that feels good fresh out the salon when Katsuko saus mom I am hungry.  I see this restaurant and we go in get a table of three and both girls are all a glow.  I am feeling so good inside and I am feeling this is what I can do for easter.  Well while sitting there I see Kiyomi blushing and I say whats going on.  Well she had made eye contact with a boy from across the room.  He is handsome and he is smiling at Kiyomi too.  I see that he is with his parents.  I ask Kiyomi if she knows him she says no and I can see the boys father in a way teasing him.  Now I am in the back of my evil mind am thinking, I have to get her to talk to him.  So I call to the waitress and I ask for the menu one more time.  I quickly look up deserts and I send 3 slices of chocolate cake with one cake a note to be handed to the boy.  Kiyomi thought i was nuts cause I wrote on the not Kiyomi's name and her cell phone number.

 

I see the waitress place the cakes at the table and hand the boy the note, his parents are liek surprised that there is cake and she points out that the cake was sent by us at our table.  So witht he fathers encouragement He send his son over to thank us and we learn his name is Akira.  He is 13 and is a student at an all boys school.  I invite him to join us and his parents agree.  Kiyomi is all blushing and this boy is very sweet.  It wasn't before long the two fo them were laghing and talking as if they knew each other.  I look at Hatsuko and she is all smiles and winks at me like "You go mom!"

 

Well Akira's father and mother come over and introduce themselves to me and Hatsuko and we talk for a bit.  Its time for them to leave but the father pulls a fast one and asks Akira if he would like to come home on his own later.  Then he gives his son some money like, "take the hint son".  Akira says ok.  After lunch we all exit the restuarnt and those 2 are so into each other.  Well, I suggest they go to the arcade and I give Kiyomi some money.  Hatsuko and I disapear into some stores and we get back on the Thong Debate inside of Fukuya Dept Store.  Damn thongs at this store are at 29.00 dollars each!  Not ten year old needs thongs nor a thong that expensive.  To hell with that.

 

Hatsuko and I make our way back to the arcade and we are still on the debate.  Dang kid wont leave this issue alone.  I dont know what the hell the issue is regarding this need for that kind of panty and now I am determined to find out.  We get to the arcarde and I see Kiyomi and she is blushing and holding a stuffed Hello Kitty.  I walk up and the 2 are so happy.  But the kid blew all his money.  I feel bad for him cause I am sure that money was to be used to keep himself from looking bad infornt of Kiyomi and enough to take the train home to were he lived.  But he blew it all at the arcade trying to win that Hello Kitty for Kiyomi.  Father should have told his son we girls are high maintenance.  Especially my girls!

 

I coudnt just desert the kid like that.  So I offered him a ride home.  We are walking along all four of us and Kiyomi has stars in her eyes.  Now Akira is very shy but I see he is trying real hard.  So I decide to change the tempo.  I see Deo Deo the electronic store and I said I need to go there.  Inside I find the restroom and tell the girls to come with me.  Kiyomi says, no mom I dont have to go, and I said yes you do.  I put my hand on her shoulder and walk her inside.  She looks at me inside and asks if she did soemthign wrong.  I tell her no this is were you stop take some time and make sure you look your best.  So use this time to touch up your face.  Use my makeup make sure you are at your best.  Hatsuko does need to go so she uses the facility as Kiyomi touches her face up.  There is this glow in her and her aura is so visible.  And I whisper to her, sometimes in life, despite your fear you take a leap of faith.  Don't be afraid to take a leap of faith.  Now I was reffering to the restauant. 

 

We step outside and there is Akira welcoming Kiyomi back.  She looks at me and says leap of faith?  And I node a yes and she takes Akira's hand.  I was like whoa.  Akira is red and smiling and Kiyomi has this look of Oh yeah your mine now boy!

 

Outside I got my car from the parking strcture and bags go into the trunk and we all set ourselves in the lil put put.  Hatsuko is in front with me and Kiyomi is in the back with Akira.  His home is in complete opposit of the way we need to go but its ok.  After getting into the hills of east Hiroshima we finally get to his house.  Kiyomi stepsout with him and she is hlding both his hands and I am like, Oh sweet, puppy love.  And again this boy is so cute too.  Thats when Kiyomi just places her hand on his shoulders and no joke.  PLants one on him.  her eyes are closed his eyes are open like a cartoon.  I am like oh wait girl thats too soon.  I step out the car, and Kiyomi is all smiles.  I tell her to get in the car.  Akira though is all buzzed.  He is stunned and smiling and cannot figure out which way to go so I had to walk him to his door.  Come on lover boy.  I ring the doorbell and his mom answers.  She thanks me for bringing him home, I am like its no biggie.  He is still stunned and trying to wave at Kiyomi.  I see Kiyomi is hoppping up and down in the car.  Hatsuko and her are holding hands like WOW. 

 

I get back in the car and Kiyomi is sprung.  And I say to myself.  Leap of Faith.  I need to keep my big mouth shut.  But she is happy.  On the way home her phone rings and its Akira.  Trying not to eavesdrop I can hear them though.  She told him you are my first kiss, and he is your mine too.  I will have a talk with Kiyomi on the bird and the bees.  Its done in school here startin  at the age of 5.  Yeah procreation is handled by the school but I think a lil mom and daughter talk about this kind of thing should be done by me.  But I am happy for her.  But most of all.  Thats my girl.  You go KiyomiI  Go on with your bad self!  LOL! 

 

But the world take notice.  Kiyomi is the calm before the storm known as Hatsuko!

These past few days I havent written at all.  What had happened the other day regarding my clothes and the boy and Kiyomi's feelings was a lot.  It also caused some resentment.  Everytime I started to make progress something smacked us back.  I am not looking at this so analytical, I am just being me.  I didnt like the way his comment hurt Kiyomi.  It was a sudden comment and I looked at it as a boy thing.  She though doesnt see it that way.  I have been like looking for the right thing to do when I realised that all I had to do was think about my past and when i was her age.

 

My life at her age was not a good one.  It was horrible to be honest.  I was the poor girl, and the nobody.  I didnt even get a hello at school.  I was the girl that dressed poor whom sat in the corner eating the school provided lunch.  I was so used to being alone that I dont recall conversations.  I remember hearing the bells at school when it was time to change classes.  No one to walk to and from school with.  I still have memories of other girls laughing as they walked home from school laughing at stories they were telling, or complaining about something.  I used to ask myself when I was going to be one of those girls that was in a conversation like they were.  When was I going to be part of the crowd.  That time never came for me.  My life continued as it was till graduation of High School.  Even on that day when I arrived to walk the line in my cap and gown I was told hey, are you a senior?  Are you even in this school?  That is how much of a nobody I was.  That day of all days to be spotted and no one knows who you are.  And you are about to go with your class to graduate and move on to your new lives never to see many of them again.  I walked the line got my diploma.  People threw their hats in the air.  I kept mine on and walked home.   Alone.

 

Sitting down with Kiyomi and telling her this story was not enough for me.  I have a Aunt nearby and I took Kiyomi and Hatsuko there.  They had some older pictures of me before I had plastic surgery to enhance my body.  And one thing I made clear to them, was despite the physical transformation I had, the woman in me was still alone and hurting.  What I am about to tell you all is what I told Kiyomi and Hatsuko. 

 

I was invited to a dinner and ball in Arizona for women whom were accomplished and had given back to the community.  This called for a cocktail dress.  The fashion was sleevless at the time.  I went looking but I could not find any that really fit me.  Besides I was flat cheested, so an A cup for me was still too large.  My back is only a 28.  I finally settled to wear a nice pantsuit rather than a gorgeous dress.  At the event I saw so many elegant women.  I was the only one in a pantsuit.  And I hated it. 

 

There was nothing I could do about my petiteness.  But I could do something about my breasts.  I cancelled my appointments for the very next day and I went to a plastic surgeons office in Scottsdale.  I was a walk in and I said to the lady,  "I need to see the doctor, I need breasts".  I was lucky for me that the Doctor was not only skilled but Morally Professional.  He sat me down and asked me why I wanted the surgery.  He didnt want t do the Surgery for 2 reasons.  One, He didnt want me to be emotionally driven all becuase I coudnt get an evening dress.  Second, was becuase I am a petite woman.  Over time we had dialogue and after 2 exams of my body, he finally agreed to do the surgery.  But he did make it clear.  If I have surgery, and my body being petite, I could look wrong.  Also I could develope problems.  So he stated that to get me to a D cup, why not have a B cup.  Then after time for my body to adjust then graduate to a D cup.  But he felt that I might be happpy as a B cup.  And he was right.  However after 18 months with a B cup I still opted for the D cup surgery.  My body was adjusted enough to handle the additional fluid for the D cups.

 

Did it make a difference?  Yes it did.  I could buy clothes and I had a sudden burst of courage.  My confidence level was through the roof.  But despite the confidence boost, I was still lonely inside.  I hated it.  I was doing crazy things like rock climbing, sky diving, shark feeding, cliff jumping.  I even bought a skateboard and tried to learn to skate.  Though the way I looked brought unwanted attention from teenage boys.

 

As I showed Kiyomi and Hatsuko, I am not without my faults.  Then like I am not, I am still learning.  Kiyomi asked me, "mom after you had your makeover did you suddenly have freinds?"  And I answered yes.  But I also mentioned that real freinds would have liked me without the new look.  In my case I had no freinds.  No one cared.  She agreed.  No one really paid attention to her until she came in with long hair and new clothes.  She smiled at me, and decided to forgive Hibiki for his comment.  But she now has as she put it, a standard.  Hatsuko, I am not so worried about.  She is still trying to get me to buy her thongs.  My little miss fashionista is still on her point.

 

When we left my aunts home, Kiyomi grabbed my hand and held it as we walked to the car.  She even turned to me and smiled.  I guess I need moments like these to show me how to be a better mom.  I do love these girls.  Maybe I can turn my own screw ups into ways for them to learn.  I know I am learning   

         

OK, no parent is perfect.  I know that and knew that long before I even considered adopting children.  But I well messed up again but its not really my fault either. 

 

What happened was I was at the house here.  The girls went to school and I had not done laundry in over a week.  The girls still had clean clothes from our mega shopping spree.  So that was not an issue.  See I used to live alone.  And in Arizona my home there affords me the luxury of complete privacy both in and out of the house aslong as I am on my property.  So it was not unusual for me to be out and about in my home  or in my back yard sunbathing.  To be perfectly honest I am very comfortable that way.  But here in Japan I do not have that privacy, and now that I am a mom I am trying to break my old habits and lead by example.  I think for me thats a good starting point with the girls.

 

But as I was saying, I am very comfortable with as little clothing on my body.  My choice of clothing was cotton denim style boy shorts with a half shirt.  I did not neet to go anywere so being outside the house was not an issue.  Plus I can dress like this and since I had a lot of clothes to wash I can save this what I am wearing for the end of the day and simply toss it in with the last of the clothes then have a nice hot bath and settle in for the evening with the girls for some family time.

 

Back at home in Arizona, I have my own Title Firm.  I was formerly a Real Estate Broker, but I sold my firm to Remax when they made me a nice offer.  However, I do still have staff, and I do still purchase homes to flip on the market.  Despite the soft economy going on I am still turning a gain as people look to lease a home.  So there is payroll, and upgrades to recent purchased homes I aquired prior to departing to Japan.  So you can imagine that in between house cleaning I am trying to stay on top of issues such as Payroll, Expenses, Overhead.  Long story short, I am extremely busy.  I leave this laptop set to Arizona time so I can be sure I do what I need to do while its business hours.

 

Now for the drama part.  With all of this going on, and trying to maintian a home here, time passes ASAP.  Before you know it, its lunch time.  Then its 2 PM.  I am folding clothes.  Email alert, contractor has requested a approval to remove part of a wall for a repair due to termite damage.  Put clothes away in Hatsukos drawers.  Another email, it states that a seller  has agreed to the price offered on a home I had bid on prior to leaving Stateside and wishes to know if my offer still stands.  Another email.  One staff is asking for vacation tim in July.  She has been with the company less than 6 months.  Another notice, is from Bank of America, electronic notifiaction of payroll for me to view to ensure time are right and how much is going out.  Despite their math, I am asain, so I need to make sure their math is correct.  Submit expense report to my assistant back in AZ.  Dryer is done, must get clothes out.  Another email.  2nd contracter states that he attemtpted to use AMEX purchasing card at Home Depot, was denied for it hit the purchasing limit, requests that I approve a temporary limit increase to purchase items needed to complete another home thqat will be set up for lease in 16 days.  So you see I am very busy.

 

It gets to the evening time, and I am still dressed the way I am but I see a light at the end of the tunnel.  I am on my last load, emails are slowing down, time to prepare dinner, dishes in dryer are dry I can finally put them away blah blah blah blah blah.  This is the time Kiyomi gets home.  I hear her say, my mom is in the kitchen.  I thought to myself, Hatsuko.  I totally forgot she mentioned to me that boy Hibiki (pronounced He-be-key); the one she likes and likes her, was to be a dinner guest tonight.  She they walk in and here I am in a hlaf shirt the bottom of my breasts are exposed and I am also in boy shorts.  Seriously, I really really forgot he was coming tonight.  There he stood looking at me in awe and wonder, and out his mouth comes these words "Wow your mom has the biggest bust I have ever seen!  Will you be anything like her?"  This is were I just want to crawl under a rock.  I am embarrased, Kiyomi is upset over his comment, and asks him to leave.  That boy was so excited I think he had a few pimples pop from an acnegasm.

 

I spent the rest of the evening with the girls, it was an odd silnce for a while, and she had her first angry at men moment so it was better to let it be.  But yeah, I have some bad habits I really have to work on breaking.  One of them most surely is how I dress when I am home alone.   

My bad I totally forgot to put in what went on that day.  As you know that was the day of the so called reverse Valentines.  Now Kiyomi and Hatsuko did NOT give of chocolate on Feb 14th.  So I had a talk with them the night before that maybe not to expect anything.  Just be greatfull that you have another day to be alive.  Plus my mind was adoption complete and wedding and personal issues. 

 

Both girls come home from school, both with smiles that resemble the Cheshire Cat!.  Both girls got gifts, and both are on cloud nine.  Hatsuko got 2 gifts of candy from 2 boys, But Kiyomi got a teddy bear from a boy she likes.  She had other gifts too but the Teddy Bear was something special. 

 

So after dinner I am cleaning up in the kitchen.  Both girls are doing homework then they know its bathtime then its family time.  But Kiyomi meets me in the kitchen telling me she is done with her homework.  Now keep in mind I am still glowing off of Thursday I got my mind set on Umi's wedding so my attention is here and there.  So shes helping me clean up and every other statement I am answering yes and sure and she droped the BOMB on me.  "Mom is kissing a boy hard?"  OK, it took a moment for it to register.  Then when it did kKABOOM!  That went over my head and decided a second pass was needed to register in my brain housing group.

 

Ok a little about my past.  One.  I never had a boyfreind.  Two.  I never kissed a boy.  Three.  Anyone experiencing a moment were comprehension of point 1 and 2 thats difficult to understand let me repeat myself.  I never dated a guy, I never kissed a guy, I never had sex with a guy.  If you do not understand it yet then go read something else.  Watch some damn fool will write to me in either here, or in a message of "Well if you havent done these things then how come you have kids?"  We shall see in the coming days.

 

Back to the blog now!

 

Kiyomi asked the question.  And remember in my other postings were I had moments of clarity of what I have gotten myself in?  This is one of those moments again.  It all comes to me at once.  Kiyomi is 12.  Kiyomi is on the edge to cross into puberty.  Legal age of consent in Japan for a female is 14.  Kiyomi turns 13 in 2 months!  Insert music for anxiety attack here.

 

Now the big question.  How did you answer?  Its Thursday here in Japan and I still have not answered.  Truth.   Ladies please I need some guidance here.  So please help me out here.

 

 

I got a message from one of you about one of the images related to my band BIRD.  In all other images there are 5 of us but there is one with a 6th person.  Who is she?  That is Holly.  At one time Holly was an active member of BIRD playing keyboards.  But real life issues make it hard for her to be actively involved.  Holly is good people and very nice.  On occasion we sometimes get lucky and Holly will have enough free time to join us at a practice gig. 

630 is the time on the clock.  I just got back from working out.  Kiyomi and Hatsuko asked me to teach yhrm how to get in shape and stay in shape.  Right now both are layed out across the floor from exhaustion.  I pushed them to the limit that I hold myself too.  Just wait till after tonight!  They will go to bed thinking school tommorow finals bleh.  But when they wake up and that muscle soreness kicks in.  Oh Joy!  They will be hating like when I say OK girls time to go run again!

 

As those 2 struggle with workout fatigue and early morning showers I want to share with you a story about some friends back home.  Now I have 2 bands.  BIRD and TALON.  TALON is made up of my sister Umi (the newleywed and lead singer), myself as lead guitar, Nekorina on Rythm Guitar, Natsuki on Bass, and Kanna on Drums.  By the names you can tell we are a strictly asian all girl rock band.  But my rockabilly exploits actually began with BIRD.

 

Now for the intorduction.  Diana Bourne, shes the Bassist of BIRD.  By day she works for IBM doing go knows what but she is the brilliant one and the peackeeper of BIRD when feathers get ruffled.  Diana is my age and like me, we like our girls young.  Oh yeah, I failed to mention.  Both bands with the exception of Umi are all lesbian.  But that doesnt make a difference.  Well I hope not.  Diana is Wonny's partner.  Wonny Dix that mad drummer that has rocked Canada to its core.  Dont mess with Wonny, that girl has a short fuse.  Shes loyal and hardcore as she is beautifull.  That girl has been playing drums since her 12th Bday.  At current she manages a night club and is very savvy with negotiations.  Word to the wise, that girl has more guns than the mafia.  Piss her off pray that she yells at you telling you off.  Cause if you dont hear a word from her you might as will write your last will and testament cause that means she coming for you!  So dont think just because shes blonde you can get over on her.  Tiara Calvert is lead guitar of BIRD.  This girl has talent for creativity in terms of web design.  She creates from scratch starting with something called scripts and whatever and in a few hours will have a lay out set up.  Her idol is SLASH former guitarist of GNR.  He know plays with Velvet Revolver.  She emulates him on stage and has even gone so far as to wear a top hat like Slash.  Her partner in crime is CC.  CCbird Daehlie is lead vocals and all around leader of BIRD.  She has a good heart.  By day a restuarant manager getting high off of Lattes and Pancakes.  By night shes the gentle one of BIRD.  But there is one thing.  She always wears tube socks.  Her favrite are the white ones with black stripes in her Converse shoes.  Come to think of it she always wears those in concert.  I dont think she ever washes them though.  CC is good at acoustic guitar.  Which leaves me.  The asian girl on rythm guitar. 

 

The reason why I am writing about this is because I remembered that in America its the holiday for St Patricks.  See I fell in love and still love Kathryn.  She's an  Irish-American girl that taught me how to love.  Well about a year ago  we were playing a show and Kathryn showed up.  I felt like doing a solo because I wanted something special for Kathryn.  So among these hard core THUNDERSTRUCK from AC/DC music; yours truly here thought it would be a great idea to do "oh Danny Boy"  Kathryn rolled her eyes in shock.  Since then the girls are quick to remind me every now and then about that night.  Hey my heart was in the right place!  Just wrong venue.  That and it kind of a shock to see an asian girl do an Irish folk song.

 

But how would best describe BIRD?  How about 5 girls that got the message on how to rock the right way for women.  Well as long as I dont make any more music suggestions.  But you don't see many all girl rock bands.  You do see legends like Joan Jett, Janis Joplin, Pat Benetar, Melissa Ethridge, .  But like Pat Benetar many come in strong then leave soft.  You saw this with The Bangles, The Go-Go's, Vixen.  Now you have female front bands like Evanesence, Heart and In This Moment. 

 

Bird is about 5 girls that are just out there to rock.  Dire Straits put it best in a song called "The Sultans of Swing".  Just a band that likes to play becuase they enjoy playing.  It isnt about the money or the fame.  Its about 5 girls whom are friends and when the time comes on stage we make it happen.  Out of all of us, I think I am the only one that matches her outifts to her guitar.  Wonny doesnt care just give her 2 sticks.  Diana always has to have her boots on, thats how she roles.  Tiara is not without her hair down and her hat.  CC wears the same pants that are cut off past her knees.  You see her socls and converse and she rocks out.  I am always in a dress usually in thigh highs.  Think Jessica Rabbit playing guitar hero.

 

Outside of jamming, we all clean up very good.  You woudnt think that we were a rock band.  Just oh wow look hon 5 nicely dresssed women.  Yet we like to have fun!  And that is what I want for Hatsuko and Kiyomi.  Friends when we return to America that just simply like to have fun.  It doesnt matter that in the band one girl shares her apartment with her brothers and on the other side the other lives in a large home.  These are the kind of girls you sit back and have a few laughs with.  You are not having to be something your not.  And there is no pressure if one of us has a better life than the other.  All that matters is when we are hanging out we are just having fun.  Iam sure that you all have gotten the impression I have done well for myself in life.  But in truth, as well as I have done I was still lonely.  My life has changed dramaticlaly now, but it was girls like Wonny, CC, Tiara, and Diana whom showed me there is more to life than how much I have in my account.  Some of the kindest people I have met were the eones with the least in this world.  They may  not have much but they share what little they have tyo make you comfortable.  Be it that you drink a cheap soda from a mason jar with ice cubes made from tap water.  But its still an honest person.  They do know how to make you laugh.  And they cook up some mean bar b que from a grill made out of a 50 gallon oil drum.  But its real people like these I have come to really love and respect.  People whom supported me when I got the word that I was approved for adoption.  People around me with money were like, Oh well Cookie you could always buy a Chihuaha if you want a child so badly.  Screw you.  Id rather park my BMW next to a rusty old pick up truck next to a mobile home that is made out of 3 single wides put together.  Cause in that house those people dont look at me for how I look or what I drive.  They welcome me as one of their own.

 

Those are my friends.  We played one last time together 2 days before I left for Japan.  CC, T, Wonny and D.  I miss you girls!  We are family.  And like Kiaa, Karalynn and Riri, you will all hold a special place in my heart.  I really miss you all.  Nekorina, Kanna, Natsuki-chan, and Umi I miss all of you too.  And while I am gone here in the land of the Rising Sun please all stay good to each other.  Please stay that way.  Kathryn, I will always love you! 

 

I have to go now.  Kiyomi fell asleep and she just awoke tried to walk and her leg cramped up so I have to get her up and help her walk it off!  Damn this girl can scream. 

 

 

 

 

My anxiety is failing me today.  I dont have it as a cloud as it was yesterday March 13th.    No fancy story no this or that.  I went in scared with each girl.  My bigget fear was the scrathing incident.  I waited to hear something to that effect but nothing came of ti.  It didn't last that long.  I was granted full custody by the magistrate.  Received a form from the clerk of the court.  This was the final document I needed to complete the adoption. 

 

At the city office my han was stamped to the document and it completed the Koseki Tohon that now reads Yamada Kiyomi First Daughter, and Yamada Hatsuko Second Daughter.  Across from my name a black line is drawn through the box were father is placed.  The girls are not property but I need to say it.  These are MY GIRLS.

 

I walked out of that place and well....I screamed!  I grabbed them and screamed again.  Their eyes were as wide as teacup saucers.  I am a mom.  A real mom.  I just held both of them and it was just beauitfull.  I guess other people dont get excited as I did cause I had people looking at me like I lost my mind, but I dont care.  So the question is -  What Now?

 

Well there are severak things all goign on at once.  U.S. Consulate to make sure there is nothing else holding us back.  I want to cover all angles and issues before leaving Japan come August.  Immigratgyion has given me their blessing.  I made sure all immunications are up to par so there shouldnt be anything else.  Umi's wedding this weekend.  My younger sister.  She met a nice guy Akira.  Both girls have finals so we are gearing up for that.  But for now its wedding time!

 

I will do a seperate blog explaining how school in Japan works.  But for now tootles! 

 

       

Right now I have a hard time considering were to start this blog.  A few of you will remember that in an earlier blog I mentioned about my sexual preference and how it was not going to be a subject for outright discussion.  But I have to write about this cause part of it is eating at me.

 

This has nothing to do with the unwanted messages from some of the guys.  After posting what I had to say here, all the unwanted attention has ceased.  Only thing coming in our comments on my pages here and personal messages from people telling me how proud they are of me, and others telling me to stay strong and that I will be a good mother.  Thank you, re-reading those have helped me in the past few days.

 

What had happened was on Saturday afternoon Kyo9mi had a few gal pals visit and I overheard them comment on me and why I was single.  Kiyomi coudnt explain to them why.  So after her friends left I decided to sit both of them down and tell them about it, and also tell them about a woman back home whom still to this day I am very much in love with.  Let me be clear that I will never leave the girls for her, and she is well aware of this.  And I will not put her in a place were I would force a family on her.  Kathryn does have a life in New York, and a career she has struggled for.  It would be selfish for me to push it on her.  She also has youth on her side so she is not ready to sto having her fun yet.  When I was her age I woudnt have wanted a change either.

 

I told the girls the truth.  Hatsuko was OK with it.  Kiyomi was not.  Earlier when her friends were here I took a moment to go online and talk to Tes and Rayne and they assured me it was all going to be well.  Kiyomi ran out of the house, both Hatsuko and I looked for her.  We even went back tot he orphanage hoping to find her there but we didnt.  I finally returned home and found her there.  She had nothing to say when I spoke to her.  She woudnt look at me talk to me say anything.

 

Sunday was all like this too.  She didnt want to eat with us.  Monday rolled in I got up made breakfast, she came in the kitchen grabbed a toast and left not a word.  And this is about the time I am getting irritated.  Hatsuko and I were in the car as I drove her to school.  One part of me was like pull the car over tell Kiyomi to get in, the other part was no let her stew in it maybe she will come around.  Truth I was at a loss on what to do.  So I simply drove Hatsuko to school and told her for the moment leave Kiyomi alone to come around. 

 

I did some reflecting that Mondau and started to think about how my mom flipped out on me when I came out.  But I figured Kiyomi will come around just give her space to let wehat I told her to sink in.  Hatsuko though didnt let it rest.  I got a call from Hatsuko at lunch letting me know she and Kiyomi were going to walk home from school so I said OK.  From what I later understood they got into a arguement on the way home on how I was being treated.  They came hom still Kiyomi would not say hello or look at me nothing.  This shit hurts too.  I was downstairs when I heard the yelling start then I heard a loud thump and a scream.  I found those two in a serious cat fight.  I struggled for a while trying to break them apart that I didnt notice that Hatsuko was bleeding from her face.  Kiyomi had scratched her deep on her left cheek.  After yelling at both and trying to stop the bleeding myself I had to hold a cloth to Hatsukos face and I drove them both tot he hospital in Otake City.

 

Hatsukos injury were three scrataches down by Kiyomis nails.  They also have red marks from the hitting and kicking of each other.  This was about the time I was getting really pissed off.  One I was scared for oth of them and to see one of them hurt and bleeding is scary.  I wont lie I freaked out at the house when I saw blood on my hand and my clothes wondering were it came from and when you see one of your kids hurting you freak out.

 

The nurse came to me and told me about the medication Hatsuko would need for the scars.  Her scars will be permanent.  The nurse warned me that the Doctor was going to chew me out for allowing my girls to fight.  He called me and Kiyomi into the exam room were Hatsuko was and started a lecture on how to care for her injury and how to treat and change the bandage.  When he told me her scars were permanent, I just snapped at Kiyomi and the look in her eyes showed me that she may have realised what she had done.  I was gettign angrier and angrier, I felt like slapping Kiyomi for hurting her sister but I cant cause I dotn want to hurt either of them, but I dont know what to do and I am confused.  Then the doctor starts in on me about how this can be turned over to local authority and how I need to be a better mom.  I am a bad mother and I need to learn to be stronger, and perhaps he needs to speak to my husband.  Then as he is leaving the room tells me to give him my husbands contact information cause he does not wish to speak to me anymore.  I lost my temper.

 

I went after him.  I opened the door saw him at the nurses station still talking shit about me, and I grabbed  him took him over something that I dont know what it was and had him on the ground and I yelled at him.  I was on him and I dotn knwo if it was in english, spanish or japanese but I made it clear to him.  "Do not talk down to me.  I am new at being a mom.  I am still learning but I am trying.  Dont you ever fuck with me.  I dont have a husband, and I wont have one.  I just adopted those girls, they are my girls.  Dont threaten me with contacting the law.  I wont let this, you or the law stop me from trying to be a mom".  I got off of him and yelled.  Is there anythign else you want to say?  He just nodded no.  I asked him if we were done and he nodded yes.  I called both girls and said lets go.

 

Out at the car, I tried to hold myself together but I grabbed Kiyomi and back her up against it.  I just yelled at her, "Is this what you want?  Are you ashamed of me?  Embarrsed that your soon to be mom is gay?  You hurt your sister.  Look at her.  Look.  She will have to live with those marks on her face.  Thursday we are all together going to complete the adoption.  Thrusday is supposed to be our day to be officially a family.  Thursday I have scheduled family portraits.  I want people to see my family.  I told so many people I am going to be a mom.  And what hurts most out of all of this is you dont look at me, you dont talk to me you dont acknowledge me and you hurt your sister and  I dont know what to do.  I want to hall off and slap you one time I am so mad.  But I cant hurt my daughter.  But you can hurt me can you Kiyomi?  I am not a bad person.  I am not a sick woman that came to this country to get kids for a deeper reason.  All I ever wanted was a family of my own and to stop being lonely.  You know how it is to feel alone right?  I dont want to live like that anymore and I dont need to feel that way around a girl who supposed to love me as much as I love her and her sister.  Don't hurt us ever again"

 

I coudnt cry.  I drove to the Pharmacy in Otake City with them.  All was too quiet.  At home I coudnt eat.  I was so stressed out that I started vomiting stomach acid.  That night was very long.  I coudnt sleep coudnt think.  Hatsuko was sleeping in my bedroom next to me.  She was afraid to be next to Kiyomi.  I checked in on Kiyomi she was just there lying in her room.  Tuesday came, and I kept Hatsuko home from school and took her to a salon good at treating skin blemishes.  It was way to soon to be even considering something like this, but they did have some very good lotions treated with special herbs mixed with Aloe Vera said to be good for scars.  They said after its healed right then begin using the lotions to minimise  the scaring, but it will be a few years before he body matures just right to wear she can get something cosmetic.

 

Tuesday night was the same thing, all silence.  Hatsuko has to eat slow becuase moving her jaw hurts the scars and if she opens her mouth too much it can open the wound.  She wears these bandagestickers that hold the wound tight.  Its an alternative to stiches.  After bath I re-apply fresh bandage stckers after drying the area gently.  I make Kiyomi help me So she can see what she has done.

 

On this Wednesday morning, Kiyomi came into my room and woke up Hatsuko and cried and held her telling her she was sorry.  I watched as she really let it all out.  Hatsuko embraced her too and forgiving her.  Kiyomi was really sorry for what she had done.  I knelt down beside them and just waited.  And I waited wondering if Kiyomi was going to telll me she was sorry, but it didnt happen. 

 

I sent Kiyomi off to school.  Hatsuko was here resting.  About lunch time, Kiyomi called me and was crying again.  She called me mom again and told me she was sorry.  She couldnt say it in the morning cause she was afraid I would turn my back on her.  And I let her know, I want to be your mom, and I will not turn my back on you.  You hurt me, but in the end Kiyomi there is still love.  And I still love you.  And I really do feel it too.

 

We will see how it all goes tonight when we have dinner together.  Tommorow is the official date when both girls become legally my daughters.  I know I will have some explaining to do in regards to what happaned to Hatsuko, but I will hold my head up and see it through.  This is my family.      

 

 

 

 

Hi everyone!

 

Let me bring you up to speed on Friday. 

 

Pretty much, I spent the entire Friday working from the house here catching up on work and emails.  I own a Title firm in Arizona and I am a partner in a media group.  So pretty much it was all work for me nothing to really chat about.

 

This afternoon both girls wanted to come home together without my picking them up from school.  So I waited here at the house and part of me was like, Are they ok?  Do they know how to get here?  Should I go look for them?  Here I am going through emotions and all.  after a bit they showed up.  I had to remind myself they are walking.  They rode the train and then got off nearby and walked home.  I know Japan is safe but it was a relief.

 

Both girls change clothes and all three of us pack an overnight bag.  I spoke to the school and got both girls excused from Saturday school for the rest of the school year which ends about the end of this month.  The school is giving us time to bond more.  On the long drive to Hikimi, I came to learn that a boy was overheard talking about Kiyomi and he has a crush on her.  Hatsuko already claims to know which boys she likes and like her.  One thing about her is she is very outgoing.  Kind of scary cause she will talk to anyone.  No fear.  And that worries me about her outward strength and strangers.  But I can see her becoming a Japanese Grace Jones.  I remember her words once and it was a quote from a movie were she used in real life too.  "If I want a man and I see the man I want.  I walk up and I take him!"  I can see Hatsuko doing the same thing.  She is my little fashionista.  Kiyomi was happy with new clothes, but Hatsuko is miss glamour.  That one time at SOGO were I  was playing dress up with them, Hatsuko dispaeared for a moment.  I went looking for her and I found her picking out Thong underwear for herself.  She's only 10!  I had to put my foot down that day.  Nope you are not old enough for this.  Her and I still debate over this issue.  She is like my drummer from my band.  A hothead!  Hey Wonny, if you are reading this I adopted a mini-me version of you!

 

But back to Kiyomi.  There is a boy she likes and its rumored he likes her.  My question to her was, did he like you before you had a makeover?  Thats the key.  If he liked you before the makeover then I would talk to him.  If he likes you know becuase you look different well, I woudl wait til the 14 of March and you can pick and choose from the litter.  Now before any of you out there think I am going to far with her and boys and makeovers, I should express that the legal age of consent in Japan is 14 for girls.  Curiosity killed the cat so let me nip this in the ass now while I can still talk to her  before she becomes a teenager and "knows it all"  I want to make sure she can talk to me about these things.  Right or wrong I need to have communication with her open.  And this summer when we return to Arizona to start our lives there together, it will be a new beginning.  But we had a good convo regarding this boy.  But Hatsuko at 10 brought up a good strong point.  She pointed out that any of these boys gift her on March 14, are they any different from that one boy?  After all this time, none of them ever noticed her then one day, bam she shows up to school new look, mini skirt warm wool coat with a sweater  on underneath, and suddenly she has freinds.  Real freinds would have liked her before the appearence change.  Hatsuko is sharp for a 10 year old and with this kind of arguement its easy to see why I am still debating her on thongs.  But I can, Why?  Cause I am the mother thats why!  And what I say still goes!  No thongs for a 10 year old no matter how mature.

 

So we get to Hikimi, and my aunts are all excited.  I come in with both girls and they are greeted immediately.  And oh my gawd, the lay out of food was immense, and they are still cooking.  Not all the relatives were there and I learned my 2 uncles were at the river fishing.  The girls and I excuse ourselves and we walk acorss the road to the bank were the river runs and find our uncles.  "OY"  My uncle shouts.  They are bundled up cause its cold by the river but they love that kind of thing.  I didnt know but I guessed they planed on us coming to the river case they had extra poles there.  It wasnt before long when I see Kiyomi and Hatsuko being taught to fish. 

 

I sat back and decided not to disturb them.  This was Mifumes father after all.  My cousin Mifume passed away 2 years ago.  She was everything to all of us.  A well accomplished children dentist,a nd a heart of gold.  She loved children.  Her death was hard.  Fishing was what he did with his daughter.  He began to tell stories about Mifume and the times spent along the river there.  This is one of those moments were you kind of sit back and enjoy the stories and listen to life. 

 

I decide to walk back to the house on my own after a bit.  More relatives are there.  I want to get the girls but I cant ruin the moment for them either.  I am hugging family and I am being asked about the girls and how things have gone so far.  I spent a while  sipping hot tea, and how it all started.  My uncle comes in with Kiyomi and Hatsuko and it didnt take long for the money to come out.  Suddenly here are envelopes from aunts uncles and other cousins all filled with money.  Its a tradition in Japan.  Some are thicker than others.  Oh my gawd I think those girls made out big time!. 

 

Aunt Kazue barks out loud, Time to eat!  Yakiniku is on the grill, rice is ready sake is going around.  Fresh Sashimi, and other forms of Sushi are on these tables set up side by side.  All around us is laughter and smiles.  Uncle Hiroyuki decides he is going to sing (mind you this is after 6 glasses of Sake and he is red faced from the buzz) so the Kareoke mics are coming out.  I very rarely drink and tonght was a good reason why I shoudn't.  So many relatives getting hammered that towards the end of the night it would mean they would stay the night there. 

 

Its about  9 PM, this shoudl tell you how hammered nearly everyone is.  So rather than stay the night I said to the girls lets go home.  Especially now cause I have my cousin so drunk he is in his boxers crying over food he spilled on his pants. 

 

On the way home I start to get that groggy feeling from eating so much food.  Kiyomi and Hatsuko are out like lights.  I just get into Iwakuni and I see the sign for the Kintai Bridge.  OK, I will stop here for the night.  I knwo I can catch the express way and can make it home but if I am tired and someone else is driving out there and they are not paying attention or perhaps drunk, then why not just be smart and safe. 

 

I see the Kaikatei Hotel.  Lucky for me, I am greeted at my car and learn they do have a room for 3.  I wake the girls up, and we all get our overnight bags and head inside.  We get into our room and there are Pajama robes already laid out for us and toiletries.  Its a public all women bathroom here and for the first time I take a shower with my daughters.  But it was so relaxing to setle in for that awesome bathtub.  It seats about 8 women but it was just us three.  Oh my gawd it was so nice to come in from the cold, clean up in a  shower then dip into a hot bath like this.  Even the girls were in silence from the relaxation.  I decided to spoil us so after the hot bath I ordered some fresh fruit and a massage for all three of us.

 

With our beds made and hot bathed and massaged we all just laid down.  I dont remember even turning off the light. 

 

 

   

Hi Everybody!

 

I am wowed by the number of people whom just slammed my blog recenlty with friends requests!  Many have been with messages all cool too!

 

So here is my update on what is going on so far.  So let me take you back to Thursday.  Well we all got up and it was very nippy that morning.  See I am from Arizona so I see the news about back home they are enjoying nice warm weather.  Well the cold weather played havoc on ym lil put put.  I went to drive the girls to school and click, no power.  After a few tries I was like uh oh.  I grab the keys to the other car and on the way to school call Nissan to have them send a mechanic.  Yes here in Japan they service your car at your house.  Usually that have a contractor that will come out do the work unless a actual Nissan Mechanic can come out.  I go back home after dropping the girls off and go over what I need for the day. 

 

45 minutes after I got home I got a mechanic here to look at the put put.  Put Put as in Nissan March.  (an attemmpt at humor, if someone was thinking dirty thoughts).  He starts the car easy I am like Yay!  then he runs a test, said the Alternator went bad it drained the battery both will half to be replaced.  Boo!  My lil put put will have to go in the shop. 

 

Phone rings, I answer and its the Police.  They are letting me know that the last 2 men from that Saturgay incident had turned themselves in the following Monday.  They needed to talk to me in person.  So I head into Hiroshima and head for the main office as requested.  There the officer shows me pictures of all 5 men and gave me their side of the story.  Now the reason for this is for restitution.  I will explain later.  The staory as it goes is this.  All 5 men are family.  The first four are brothers the last guy the main one is only a cousin.  The main guy the cousin moved from Osaka to Hiroshima becuase he had gotten into some trouble there.  The four brothers work in a motorcycle shop their father owns here locally.  All five went out on the town to show the new cousin Hiroshima and how to get around.  They were going to give him a motorcycle but he soehow bought one on his own.  They took him at his word.  While out and about they saw me in the Skyline and He told them "i have to have that car".  They thought it was becuase it was a nice car.  He followed me, they followed him under the impression that he wanted to talk to me. 

 

At one point they realised I was trying to avoid them and they supposedly tried to talk him into leaving us alone.  But He wouldn't listen.  When they saw me enter the Koban they realised OK this is not right, The Brothers all left leaving thier cousin behind.  Two went back to go find him and were stoped by the police.  The main guy was found he was within eyesight of the Koban and he was arrested once they found out the Motorcycle he had ws stolen.  The other 2 that were stoped were detained for questioning.

 

Long story short the main guy is still in custody for theft.  Furthermore they learned he was going to hurt me and the girls to steal the Skyline.  He needed the Skyline to pay a debt.  The brothers turned out to be legit.  Now this is why there is restitution.  In Japan, you can sue for an Apology.  The father and mother have offered a restitution Apology in advance for the actions of their nephew and to re-assure theat their sons had no intention of harming my girls and I. 

 

I have chosen to accept the Apology.  That will occur this coming Tuesday at the Police Station in Hiroshima.  I will see the 5 guy in court in a month.  He will remain in custody until then for being in possesion of stolen property and for stalking with the intent to commit harm.

 

Hearing all this kind of ruined my day.  Then Kiyomi calls me on her cell.  "Mom, I wanted to call you to tell you "I love you".  Talk abou the ray of sunshine I was needing!  :)  Kids are great!  Then she goes on to tell me that she would like to bring 2 friends home for Dinner.  Friends?  Kiyomi is making friends?  That was a big shock to me.  Hatsuko is very outgoing so her having friends is a no brainer.  Yes Kiyomi had fun with kids over the weekend at the house, but to be mamking friends now as the school year is coming to an end kind of shocks me.  She was always alone and just accepted it.  But now to hear her voice wanting freinds to come to dinner.  That is so cool!

 

Now I am in a good mood.  I told Kiyomi to let Hatsuko know that she can have a school pal come over too.  But be sure all the friends had permission to come over first.  Look at me sounding like a mom.    So I cruise on over to ALLPARK which is on the way home.  They have an awesome bakery there.  So I loud up on some sweets and some good teas.  I also bought extra house slippers for our guests.  So I am on the way home and I say to myself dinner.  Wait?   Dinner?  What will I cook for dinner?  Wait, I still dont really know how to cook, and shes bringing freinds home for dinner?  No joke I am a terrible cook.  In Arizona I cheated the system by buying bags of lettuce, slive my own veggies and at nothing but greens.  Why?  Cause I am relaly a vegetarian in real life.  I can eat meat but I prefer not to.

 

So here is the panic.  Dinner kids, dinner cant buy bags of lettuce here ready to serve here, Dinner, kids, burgers?  No.  Pizza?  No we had that on Saturday and I have leftovers of that I need to throw out.  Hooka Hooka Tei?  Maybe but what if one of them doesnt like Chicken?  OK I am in a panic!  Then I notice the time.  I spent so much time at ALLPARK they will be getting out of school like now.  

 

Sigh

 

I drive up t the school.  I see Hatsuko shes all smiles.  But she is not bringing a freind home (good girl!), And I see Kiyomi and she has two girls with her.  They all jump in, and its, wow your mom is so pretty, what a cool car.  So this is were I ask the girls, hey do any of you have any idea on what you would like to eat tonight?  Kiyomi asks, Mom can we do Yakiniku, and also do some baking?  Yakiniku sounds good but baking? 

 

So this is what happened.  Along the way the girls are the ones that are wanting to cook.  So I am breathing a huge sigh of relief.  Cause if I cook I will be sued for an apology by these girls parents.  Thats when the girls make me realise March 14 is only a week away.  Now let me explain about Feb 14 and March 14.

 

In the United States, February 14th is Valentines Day.  In Japan it is the same custom.  However in Japan there is a twist.  On February 14th if a girl likes a boy she gives him a small box of Chocolate.  The boy then has 30 days from that day to return the gesture.  That day is March 14.  Also that is the day for a Boy to give a girl a gift.  So let me give an example.  Kiyomi likes a boy she gives him chocolate on Feb 14th, if he likes her, then on or before the 14th of March he must return the favor with a gift.  If she is not gifted by that date then on the 14th any other boy may gift her something to show his affection to her.  This is were its awesome to be a girl cause all you need is to give out 1 gift and youi might score gifts from multiple guys if the one she liked is a dork.  Now here is the catch!  If the boy she liked DID like her, then in return his gift has to be 3 times the value of what she gave him.  So if she gives him a 20.00 box of chocolates he has to give her a gift at the value of 60.00 and it has to be non chocolate.  Any other boy can gift her whatever they can afford.  So the 30 day time span is to give the boy a chance to earn some money to return the favor.  We women got it good! 

 

Now I bought pastries at ALLPARK, but the girls want to practice their skills cause if they get gifted then it means they have a boyfreind.  Then you cook for him his lunch.  A Cupid Bento Box.  This calls for a stop at the market.  We get Yakiniku meat.  Whish is thinly sliced Filet Mignon, some Yakiniku sauce which is like a bar b que sauce only tastier, and an assortment of baking good and fruit.  And a host of Veggies that you slice and serve with the meat.

 

Now I wont go into how you make Yakiniku, All I can say is that its smokey and its cooked over an open fire, the meat Marinates in the sauce for about 45 minutes wheil you slice the veggies for dinner.  All you need is a special burner that allows you to cook it.  You open a window and bring the food everyone sits around.  The meat is tossed on the fire, along with sliced bell peppers, onions, potatoes.  You use chopsticks and you just pretty much have a good time.  And A good time is what we all had.  After the dinner the girls eat some of the cakes I bought then its off to the kitchen to try their hands at baking. 

 

For a while I sat at the doorway and watched the girls just go to work and talk about the boys they like.  They even included Hatsuko on their journey for the perfect pastry to make.  Kiyomi never gave a boy a gift, but with her new look, there is a strong chance she might find herself the recipient.  So much giggling and laughter amongst them.  I never as a young girl had this kind of closeness with friends.  Then again I was alone growing up.  

 

I like this.  And in a small way I get to live a part of my life having not done the things I wish i was made a part of.  Being there and watching Hastuko be included in this with Kiyomi and her new freinds.  And I am part of it just watching.  My soul has always been tormented by the sheer fact I was a girl that lived her life on the outside looking in.  I never dated in my teens.  Never went to a birthday party or had one.  Only 3 times in my life did I ever have party.  My first was at Jillians in Arizona when Candace gave me a cake with her freinds.  I didnt know any of them so I felt left out on my own Birthday.  Eleni threw me a suprtise party on Second Life at her club but I that night had things to do not knowing my friends there were waiting on me.  It was a bitchign party from what I heard.  Everyone had a good time.  The only party I did go and almsot didnt make was my going away party. 

 

But here I watch these girls have a good time.  Friendship is a beautifull thing.

 

By the way.  When you read this, I will be away with my girls at my aunts home.  They are throwing a lrge family get together to Welcome Kiyomi and Hatsuko.  The same aunt from my Mifume blog entry.   

Its about 1030 here.  Both my kids are already out like lights. 

 

I am going to make a change to my blog space here.  But first let me thank all of you whom are reading this blog and sending me private messages with support.  When I made this page years ago it was just to let people know who I was.  I was dating my then GF Candace I had pictures of her and I together.  I took them down and left 2 images up one were I am nude on a boat.  No one has made an issue in my messages regarding it.  I was younger then and wanted something to look back on when I will no longer be young.  I wanted to look back and say I was once beautifull.  Do I have more?  Yes I do, some even professionally done.  But I am removing the boat image immediately due to I am getting unwanted attention.  But rather than complain I am going to apologise to any of you whom were nice enough to not comment on it but perhaps were bothered by it being there.  I will replace it with images of my girls and I as the blog goes along.

 

Now onto the second part before I hit the sack myself.  This blog had a purpose but I changed it when I left and came to Japan to begin this adoption.  Friends wanted a BLOG to keep in touch and follow  whats going on rather than have me do mass emails.  I have a lot of men whom are sending me messages regarding my sexual preference. 

 

Fact, Who I am sleeping with is really none of your business and will not be a subject in this blog.  Fact, I chose to be a mom and leave my social life.  I will not put any social life ahead of these girls.  If I wanted a social life, I would not have adopted.  Fact, I will not answer requests for wanting to meet, further if you want to ask me kinky crap like a few of you have then I want you to ask in open comment so everyone who reads my blog out in the open will know who you are.  Perhaps you are nice to some other girl playing her along while trying to hit on me.  She should know how you really are.  Fact, there is no such thing as a BISEXUAL-LESBIAN.  My sexual preference was not nor will be an issue in this blog.  A LESBIAN is a LESBIAN!  Stop asking me if I am also bisexual.  Fact, I will give my word now to all of you who read this blog faithfully, I will not shove my lifestyle down your throat.  Do my girls know?  No, and that will be a discussion I am going to have with them already and not worth making a blog entry about.

 

For all the cool people who keep rerading and asking others to read.  Thank you, For all the wonderfull messeges in support, Thank you.  For the comments were some of you guys have said I am very pretyy, Thank you.  and thank you again for not going beyond that statement like a few of your male co horts have done.  One guy asked me why I am a gay woman.  And he would hurt the man who made me this way.  So I saved that answer for last.

 

Truth, No man made me LESBIAN.  A man is not to blame here.  No man hurt me.  No man abused me.  I was never sexually assaulted by a man.  I have never even had a boyfreind.  I have never dated a man.  A man is not to blame here.  No one is.  I am who I am and came into this lifestyle on my own.  I am very comfortable as I am.  I do not hate men, nor will be a male hating lesbian.  That is a stupid way to live.  If my daughters choose a man for their partners in life, so be it.  All I want is for their happiness.  And if they do choose men, then I hope those men are good to them.  Thats all I would want.  Besides I like the thought of being a Grandmother one day.

 

I know a lot of very good men.  Very good people.  It is very hard for a man and a woman to be REAL Friends without some kind of sexual tension.  I am fortunate that I have met good people along the way.  Now let me end this blog now and get to bed.  If you have any more questions about this then ask it in this portion of the blog and I will answer you.  But lets leave the rest of the blog alone, but also be sure to ask it in open comment so we all know who is asking what.  If you dont like that, then we will have nothing to say to each other.