I had a hard time sleeping last night.  I had a terrible headache.  Finally at about 3 AM and some aspirin taken I resolved to try to sleep.  But before I went to bed I made breakfast for the girls left it on the table on how to heat it and money for each to buy lunch.  I spoke to a few friends before I went to bed.  One of them being Tiara my band mates and my SL family.  What had been bothering me was the comment by that guy who talked of saving me.

Yes I know I used my blog to tell him were to go and how I felt.  But what still gets to me is the fact that someone needing to be saved.  That part really bothers me even know as I write this portion of my blog.  As I mentioned in a earlier blog I grew up in a bad area.  No one saved me but once.  I was still 10 walking home from school.  I was as I mentioned mixed nationality.  Often I would get jumped and beat down cause for some people it was the thing to do.  I remember this once lady Mrs. Nichols.  She was an African American woman older and had seen more than her fair share of heartache.  She saw me every day go to school and walk home and the beatings I would take.  One day she came out her home and chased the kids off.  I was bleeding and bruised and she took me inside cleaned my scrapes.  She was merely kind to me.  One of the few people I still remember.  And she told me that as long as I keep running, those in pursuit will keep chasing.  I had to be more than a woman.

Her words stuck to me.  This was a woman who told me that her husband went off to fight Germany in WWII.  He returned home but not as a hero.  The War was over in Europe and she and her husband were riding a train to the west coast to start over.  On that train was a man from the German military.  He was here for some reason that I do not recall.  But in the train car were they serve food.  He got to eat his meal with the rest of the passengers, while she and her husband a veteran who fought for our country had to eat their meals from behind a curtain.  Mind you this man was still in uniform and proudly decorated.  She taught me that in this world no one but you can do for yourself.

Knowledge like that got me through hard times.  I scrubbed toilets, I cleaned floors, I moped stalls, I wrapped newspaper bundles.  I remember sleeping through nights of hunger.  I remember sucking on a ketchup pack trying to get what little was in it to feed myself.  I sacrificed I worked and I managed to get through college and I got a job that turned into a career.  I went back and got a realtors license later and saw true success.  I am very successful.  And I hold my head up in pride that I did if for me.

I wanted to become a mom I had to search for answers if I was the right kind of woman that deserved to be a mom.  I had anxiety I had fear I had despair.  And I had people along the way walk with me.  But they never saved me.  I had to save myself.

My success, my ambitions , my fortitude were all given to me by a elderly woman in Vallejo who just got tired of seeing another woman be beaten without good reason.  She gave me reason.  I gave myself hope.  She gave me inspiration.  I gave myself accomplishments.  She gave me wings and I learned to fly.  But the one thing she had taught me was that despite the words, I had to want it bad enough.  That the minimum standard for me was a starting point.  Not a goal.  And I am who I am today because I really wanted it that bad.

Then to receive a letter from someone I don’t know speak of love, and marriage seemed odd.  Then to see the words "SAVED".  It brought about such fury and anger within me.  He like many of you only know me for what I write here.  But unlike all of you he felt that I needed to be saved.  Saved from what exactly?  Saved from being a single woman?  Saved from being a single parent?  Saved from my sexuality?  Saved from my obligations?

Let me quote Aretha Franklin and Annie Lennox "Sisters are doing it for themselves!"

I said it before and I will say it again.  I do not hate men.  Hate is such a strong word.  But I do hate it when a man thinks he knows what's best for me.  What was best for me was for me to get off my ass and do what I had to do.  And the one thing that will never be taken away from me is the mere fact that were I got to in life I not only elevated myself, but I also elevated those within my two ethnic communities and women everywhere.  That to me means a hell of a lot more to me than being saved.  That is what my daughters will learn.  That is what one woman in here saw and now she's on her journey to adopt children.  My daughters will watch me and I will guide them with the simple wisdom taught to me by Mrs. Nichols.  May she rest in peace now that she's in a place were her husband and her will never be behind the curtain.

This is not a slam on men.  Not at all.  There are some good and decent men in this world I have met many and I respect them all.  And they saw me for who I am thank you.

This though is a message to that one idiot and others whom think like him.  This is for you women too whom are always looking for an excuse on why you cannot do anything and why you are stuck were you are.  If you really want it bad enough you will get out there and find a way.  Get that education, get that knowledge of common sense, get that will to survive and see it through.  Ladies there is no shame in doing work that is looked down upon.  You have to hold your head up.  I have more respect for a woman whom is in the adult entertainment industry but is using the money to better her position and say one day I will not do this anymore because I will get my education and move on.  Than a woman who is handed the world only because of her parents good fortune and loses it all and blames everyone but herself.  And continues to live off of her parents fortune.  Born with a silver spoon in her mouth but end her life at the end of a plastic spork.

I feel better now.  I think I said what needed to be said within my soul.  I don’t need to be saved.  And if I am headed to hell, I will go there on riding hells fire knowing I did more for myself, my daughters and women everywhere and have zero regrets!  Hell has no fury like a woman scorned.  So guess who's about to be schooled?

Damn Right!

I feel that I owe you all an apology.  I lost my temper.  This is just a taste of what real life brought me for many years.  It does mot excuse my foul language nor my demeanor.  I know I brought down the quality of this blog and its original purpose.  I apologize to all of you for allowing my anger to get the best of me and losing myself in it. 

Again I am sorry and please do not hold my own actions against my daughters Kiyomi and Hatsuko.  I have no one to blame but myself and they should not carry my shame.

From:

Cookie Yamada

Edit your profile

To:

Larry's Art Collection Malgor Sadlon Artist

SAVE ME FROM WHAT?  WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GETTING AT?  WHY DO I NEED SAVING?  I AM NOT THE MORON WHO PUT IT HIS ASS OUT THERE WHEN I MADE IT VERY CLEAR IN MY PROFILE I AM NOT LOOKING TO DATE OR GET MARRIED TO ANY PERSON.  ANY PERSON MEANS MAN AND WOMAN.  I JUST BECAME A MOTHER!  THEY ARE MY NUMBER ONE PRIORITY AS OF THE DAY I ARRIVED IN JAPAN. 

I POSTED YOUR GODDAMN MESSAGE ON MY BLOG FOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO READ IT AND I WILL POST THIS ONE TOO!  YOU LEAVE ME ALONE NOW.  GO PLAY WHATEVER FUCK FUCK GAMES YOU ARE GETTING AT ON SOMEONE ELSE.  MY GIRLS WILL COME BEFORE ANYONE!  ESPECIALLY AN IDIOT LIKE YOURSELF TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT ME RATHER THEN RESPECT THE FACT I AM NOT OPEN FOR A RELATIONSHIP.  YOU WANT A WOMAN THAT BADLY TRY GETTING OFF YOUR ASS AWAY FROM YOUR GODDAMN COMPUTER AND GO SOMEWHERE AND TRYING TALKING TO ONE FACE TO FACE LIKE THE REST OF THE WORLD.  IF THAT IS TOO HARD FOR YOU THEN GO BACK INTO YOUR MAMAS BASEMENT WERE YOU BELONG!

LAST AND NOT LEAST, YOU DON'T GO MAKING A PASS AT AN OPENLY GAY WOMAN!

From: Larry's Art Collection Malgor Sadlon Artist
Sent: 4/19/2008 7:02:16 PM
To: Cookie Yamada
Subject: RE: OK Thank you no i Dont understand

Please forgive me i am Lost i Loved your Look's but i see i cant save you  Pleas forgive me i can never Keep you and i dont think you can Love me Please forgive me

Homosexuality, sexual orientation toward people of the same sex. Homosexuality contrasts with heterosexuality, sexual orientation toward people of the opposite sex. People with a sexual orientation toward members of both sexes are called bisexuals (see Bisexuality). Female homosexuals are frequently called lesbians. In recent years, the term gay has been applied to both homosexual men and women.

I am what you call a LESBIAN.  I have been slammed again by many men recently whom are looking for a date.  Sorry guys I don’t want a date.  No women have made a pass at me and that’s cool.  And if one did I would turn her down just the same as the men I have been turning down.  I am not here looking for love.  I am not here looking to date.  I am here on this blog to give those my friends an idea of how my life is going since coming to Japan to be a mother.  Along the way my blog has touched people I was not expecting to touch.  That pushes me on to continue and try even harder to be the best mom I can be.  I don’t want to date because becoming a mom means devoting my time to raising children.  I will not deviate from that.  I made a commitment to those girls and that commitment will not be broken.  If you are getting my messenger name from my page here it does not give you permission to message me.  As of now I will change those setting to allow only those on my friends list to send me messages when it is active. 

I did have a woman send me a msn message and I told her I will not talk to her  It upset her, I do not care.  She was looking to screw I am not.  I met a wonderful girl and after her I made a personal choice never to date any other woman again.  I do so because I will spend the rest of my life trying to make another Kathryn Stonewall out of her.  No woman needs that if she comes with good personal intentions.  So that should be enough for you guys to get it in your heads that if I am not looking to date then I am not looking to date.

And as for this idiot who believed he was my husband or could have been my husband or the right kind of husband for me.  To hell with you!  If I was going to have a man it wouldn't be one that looked like a Martha Stewart reject. 

From:

Larry's Art Collection Malgor Sadlon Artist

Subject:
RE: OK Thank you Yes i understand

Sent:
4/19/2008 2:24:31 PM

   I know Girl's can live without a Man as your life is so much more easyer for you in your God Gift of Beauty

I am sorry to bother you  I hope and Pray some Day you will feel a Love for me to as you know a Man Dream's the Thought's of being With a Beauty like you

But i have also Thought i didnt know the girl i was Dreaming to be in Love with and The Beautiful Angel  in Love with me to

I dont know you but from my seeing you and wonting to keep you  I do pray i am a good empression of a good man you can Love and Marry and be better off in your Life as you know and Live your Life with out me

So Please dont forget me I Pray you Pray for me to be my best for you  Please Pray for me to win just once in my Life to win the greatist Love in Life what more is Better for us to have in Life is Love and Marrage I have lost most of my Life and i am Still trying to win a Beautiful Woman to Love and Marry me   I always ASK to be forgiven for thinking of Love asking you to Love me and i dont know if you need me as much as i think i need you and Please Pray for me to Win my Dream to Live a Dream to be Happy in Live in Love in our Home we build Together  to make it the best for us We give our all to our Dream we can Live in for it is Posable and ready to start liveing  Will you Please Think of all i give you in a Home and Family we Build together  Sweetheart let Heavan sing for the Glory of our Love and Marrage for i Pray you do know and understand the Love is Great in me to have and Hold a Beauty God Gave you Beauty but for atracting your Mate in Your Life and i am trying to be your Truest Love Mate of all other's wonting you to

Please forgive me for wonting to take you away of your Wonderful easy Life there and come to me and go to Work building a Love perfict for you what ever your name is i know it's beautiful 

I guess i better go God Bless you Sweetheart  if you ever find a Beauty like you needing a good honest man like me  Please send her home soon i need her Love and atension and understanding Love  Sweetheart Thank you  Please write when your not busy and maby you can think a way to get my art seen more to more people in France to sell my Art Collection so i can have the money to live a life like you

Please Pray for me     Larry O'Brien

Its 413 in the after noon here in Japan as I begin writing this portion of the blog.  I asked both girls to give me some time to cool off.  See its all regarding yesterday.  Friday afternoons I reserve with my kids and I to have some private time.  It could mean dinner out in town or a movie or something were its us three.  The weekend before that I was dealing with a house full of teenagers so I was really looking forward to Friday and an evening spent having dinner then hitting up this amateur music venue. 

At lunch time Kiyomi had called me and let me know she was going to be very late coming home.  My first impression was she's going to spend some extra time with Akira.  No, she had gotten into trouble at school.  Well she wasn’t the culprit.  She has a very strict teacher and what had happened was one of her fellow students left her cell phone on in class and It beeped.  This set the teacher off.  She chewed them out then lined all the girls up in a line and used both hands and smacked each girl on the face.  Then as further punishment all would stay behind after school for additional discipline. 

First I can understand  the teacher  being upset over the cell phone but to have her touch my daughter is not right.  In half a heartbeat I went from this person you see here writing this blog to BITCH!  No one disciplines my daughter but me.

I put on my jeans a more appropriate shirt and headed to the school in my car.  When I got there I went straight into the office and demanded to speak to the head mistress regarding why a teacher hit my daughter.  They looked a little confused  OK no biggie I remember were the classroom is so I told them, ok you want to gaff me off, I will deal with this myself.  That’s when I had three women follow me trying to stop me and calm me down.  First you play dumb now you understand me? 

Now I am angry.

One lady told me I couldn't go in there I told her, if you think you can; try and stop me.  Now when I become angry I begin to stutter.  And I confuse my words very easily.  I was born in America raised speaking English.  My Japanese and Spanish (yes Spanish I am half Puerto Rican and that’s were my temper comes from) were always broken but enough to help me get by.  I marched right in there she looks at me I see Kiyomi and I say in English "Is this her"?  Kiyomi nods yes and I turn to her teacher.  Don't you ever lay a hand on my daughter ever again.  She's looks at me like she doesn’t understand me.  I said You hit my daughter and she said yes I hit all the girls not just your daughter and if necessary it will be done again.  The hell you will!  So you will hit my daughter again?  I am her mother, if she is out of line you call me and I will smack her ass if she needs it.  You are nothing more than her teacher.  Remember that!"  and she has the distinct nerve to look at me like who are you look on her face and gives me the rudest "HUMPH"  Then placed her hand on me telling me to leave her classroom. 

OK a bit of my background.  I was raised in a town called Vallejo, California.  I grew up on the west side of the town closest to the shipyard.  I got beat up a lot growing up because I was different.  Once I started to gain some back bone and started defending myself did it all finally stop.  After that I let no one put there hands on me and I learned to fight on those streets.  I hated it.  Coming home from school I always had something.  I used to change the way I went home just so I could avoid issues but also because I was afraid.  I got tired of being afraid.  I got tired of running.  I got tired of the beatings.  I was already taking my beatings at home from my own mother I didn’t need one in advance just because I was easy to mess with.  There is just a moment in your life when you just get tired of it all.  And I learned from that ass kicking I would get and I promised myself to leave that place once I got out of High School.  I would get an education and do something worthy of my life.  It was either dream and try for that dream or stay there and be afraid.

So when Miss Hayashi there put her hands on me she got schooled in the art of my right hand grabbing her arm twisting it to my right and the back of my left hand coming across me the to her face which dropped her right on her ass.  On the floor she looked up at me and I said don’t you dare get up.  You had no right to put your hand on me.  If you do get up I will put you back down even harder.  That bell when it rings  to mark the end of the day you will release Kiyomi on time.  She is not going to pay for some other girls mistake.  I will be right outside and if she doesn’t come out as expected I will come in here and drop you again.  If I cant get in then I will wait till you come out.  It will be a long weekend for the two of us if you don’t come out.  I looked at Kiyomi she was scared.

Out side the classroom the head mistress was there and she was not pleased but she didn’t raise her voice at me.  She very politely asked me to leave the school grounds and she would address the issue of her hitting Kiyomi and the rest of the students cause it may have been uncalled for.  But she also made it clear that she does have to follow protocol and make a incident report of what happened despite the fact that the teacher did place her hand on me.  So I walked out and I waited for Kiyomi.  For a few hours I waited outside cause I was too upset to drive.  Probably good that I didn't I might have done something stupid in that car and regret it.

The whole time though I was being watched and the head mistress came out to talk to me as to why I had not left.  I told her that I need to calm down and driving while angry could be a mistake.  She understood.  And she took the time to hear my side of the story.  I told her how I asked to speak to someone in charge and her staff in the office played dumb.  I don’t like it when people act that way.  She agreed.  All of this could have been handled at that level had the ladies in there just simply put me with someone who could address it.  Talking to her was easy.  She heard me out and she expressed her concerns. 

While we talked some more the school was let out and we both watched and Kiyomi came out on time with her class.  Girls were whispering like that’s her that her mom over there.  She was the one.  Kiyomi and I walked to the car and left. 

On the way home it was very quiet.  I had already spoken to Hatsukos teacher and they let her know that I was coming to get her due to no one would be home to let her in.  So the school would keep her behind and have her do some extra curricular until I showed up.  Kiyomi then broke the silence.  Mom?  Yes hon.  Can I say something and you not get mad please?  Sure.  Mom the older students all heard about it and well.  They all think and me too, What you did was so cool cause that teacher is very mean!  After you left she was very stunned and was out of sync with herself so when it came time to go home she just said everyone leave.  

Cool or not, I just wasn’t in the mood to really hear that.  Hearing Kiyomi out and stories she heard from older students and the head mistress telling me that Miss Hayashi was very difficult at times, that perhaps this was something long overdue.  

Thank you though for letting me vent.  I was not going to write this but I needed to get it out of my system.  I hope you all took the time to look at the YouTube video that the guy sent me to get a jest of that children's song.  I was really hiding my emotions then which is why I waited to write this later cause I would of most likely said something stupid.  Sorry for getting all mad. 

A reader of this blog who just read my latest entry contacted me.  He is an older guy and asked not to be named because he doesn’t want the rest of you to see him as he put it (anime dork).  The song Te no hira wo taiyou can be heard partially in its original form from a cartoon named Ghost in the Shell.  According to him there are these robots that have a intelligence that has evolved.  But people still consider them machines.  They want to be seen as alive.  So in this scene from the You Tube link he provided the robots are singing the song because they made a choice to sacrifice themselves so many people can live.  Its not the whole song but it gives you an idea of just how it goes!

Thanks well I guess I will call you dude!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uELeeRer4Hg&feature=related

No offense but you must watch a lot of those cartoons to spot that song so easily!  Still though thank you for helping me out with my blog and again thank you for following what I write and for the kind words you have expressed that I am doing well.  But sorry I cannot adopt you

Thursday I took a trip to Second Life and had a chat with my band mates.  We chatted for a bit and there is a little issue were CC the lead singer wants to disband the group.  Right now she is going through real life issues and  she cannot commit to the band.  However the rest of us taken a position were we are going to give her some time to get it together.  After what was said, I left the house to go get my lil put put from Yellow Hat.  I  invested in a kick ass Kenwood System.  so they spent the day installing it and tinting the windows.

I cruised a while enjoying the music and the new sound.  Oh my gawd I should have done this a long time ago.  So after a while of cruising I stop at the school and I wait for Hatsuko.  We got in the car she is like hey its darker.  Then when the music started and she saw the new stereo and how it slides out and has a screen she was like WOW.  But she likes J pop and I like METAL and all I got in my car is OZZY!  Yeah I know were is my loyalty to my sister Mel?  I love her she's cool and Haruka is a great song but I have to be my metal head self.  But after much complaining we stopped at a store and I bought a compilation CD of Japanese artists like M flo, Larc n Ciel, Crystal Kay, Soulhead and Glay.  Once she was happy we went cruising again

On the way home I spot Kiyomi and she's got a group of girls with her  and I am like ok what's going on.  I ask Kiyomi and she said I will explain it all at the house.  So I get home she shows up with her friends and as they take over the Kitchen Kiyomi explains to me that Thursday the 17 of April was the anniversary of when she arrived at the Orphanage.  She spent several years there.  She remembered when Hatsuko appeared.  So  with a little help form her friends Kiyomi and the gang made little cupcakes.  They also had little goodie bags.  All of them help make all these goodie bags with toys and treats.  See here in Japan you have what is called children's day.  Kids get a lot of money.  When we had a party at my Uncles home all the relatives did was great them with lots of Yen.  I have since taken the yen and opened 2 accounts for them but gave them a portion to use to buy something for themselves.  Hatsuko wanted to have purchased thongs with her portion but that all changed.  She got shoes instead.  Kiyomi bought nothing until today were she got all this stuff. 

Once it was all done we all walked together.  He friends included.  Walking back to that place and coming in with a new look and newer attitude about life.  That is what being a human being is about.  Watching and her friends give away these goodie bags and sweets.  Seeing these kids smile and hugs from kids that missed her.  Some of the counselors had not scene both girls since they left and were living with me.  To see them look different and smile.  Smile was something they thought Kiyomi could never do.  Seeing them come back was a positive for the kids that were having a hard time adjusting.  But what I like is the fact that Kiyomi didn’t forget who was left behind.  And watching Hatsuko join in and help her sister give back made me so proud.  Counselors telling me I am doing well. 

But I cannot agree.  I didn’t think about this.  Kiyomi did.  And she got her friends.  She has no shame in saying I am adopted.  She was not shy in getting help.  She looked very tall and proud in her Junior High Uniform with the school crest.  Her new long hair, shiny eyes, smile.  That was Kiyomi on her own.  Hatsuko cannot remember her first day, but Kiyomi could never forget.

There are some beautiful things to see in this world.  This is one of those things were it lasts a lifetime and the moment is right.  But the best part of this all was the walk home.  I am in the middle Kiyomis friends had already left us to head on home to dinner.  I am holding my daughters hands and we begin to sing a children's song that I had learned only recently. 

Minna minna, ikite irunda
Tomodachi nan da
Bokura wa minna ikite iru
Ikite iru kara utaunda
Bokura wa minna ikite iru
Ikite iru kara kanashinda
Te no hira wo taiyou ni sukashite mireba
Makka ni nagareru boku no chishio
Mimizudatte okeradatte amenbodatte
Minna minna, ikite irunda
Tomodachi nan da
Bokura wa minna ikite iru
Ikite iru kara waraunda
Bokura wa minna ikite iru
Ikite iru kara ureshinda
Te no hira wo taiyou ni sukashite mireba
Makka ni nagareru boku no chishio
Tonbodatte kaerudatte mitsubachidatte
Minna minna, ikite irunda
Tomodachi nan da
Te no hira wo taiyou ni sukashite mireba
Makka ni nagareru boku no chishio
Tonbodatte kaerudatte mitsubachidatte
Minna minna, ikite irunda
Tomodachi nan da
Minna minna, ikite irunda
Tomodachi nan da

It’s a children's song that speaks about how we are alive.  How you show your hands to the sun and you see the red blood we all share.  And that makes us all friends   From us the humans to the animals we all share red blood.  That makes us friends in a peaceful world.

You don’t need a Kenwood system to enjoy this song.

Today I awoke saw Kiyomi off to school again and made breakfast for Hatsuko.  Again she and I walked to her school.  I am enjoying these mornings.  I come in from working out make breakfast see them off walk her to school return home see what needs to be done around the house get that done, work on notices and Sent by my staff from back home.  Then hit the shower.  Same routines just a different day and at times things change.

But it is unique how a kid sees the world.  Hatsuko and I talked regarding the gymnastics and why.  She made a new friend in school who has been taking gymnastic at a very young age.  She even went so far to demonstrate her skills for her class and this had Hatsuko excited.  This girl also takes dance lessons when not in Gymnastics.  I wanted to say no but then it occurred to me this is a great way for her to make friends like Kiyomi has and for me to meet other mothers and start communicating with people and make friends of my own too. 

Half way to the school we run into some of Hatsuko classmates.  She tells me she can take it from here.  I watch her join friends and they walk all together.  I sit back and think about how as a kid you don’t focus on commitment, only what is cool.  The reason why I brought that up is because Hatsuko asked me if I was planning on getting a new car.  I said no the 2 we have are just fine.  Now remember that sweet girl who has the cute boyfriend and wants to try gymnastics?  Well she in a split second returned to her fashionista  critic self. 

There we were on the way to her school and she complained that the SKYLINE was such a nice exotic car and how it beckons to be driven and its very positive to be seen in such a vehicle.  Blah Blah Blah Blah.  What I will do is fill it up with gas and let Hatsuko pay for it with her allowance and we will see just how positive that car really is.  Well she went on how I, would benefit from a new car that was prestigious.  So I ask her what kind and how is going to pay for it?  She said a BMW and I should purchase it since it is I that must lead by example. 

BULLS**T!

I am not getting rid of my lil put put.  That Nissan March has been a good little car.  I will admit that the factory stereo needs to go but other than that it’s a good little car, good on gas.  But I have to say this.  Why is it in this world that it seems that every Asian woman to include myself has an affinity towards a BMW?  Hatsuko at age 10 already wants a BMW at the house.  I have never known a Asian woman who has not wanted a BMW.  I wonder if its something BMW puts in the rice fields of every Asian country of the world.  I can see them now.  This chemical compound once it enters the body through the rice will make an Asian woman partial to the purchase of a BMW.  We will limit the color choices though between three colors.  Crimson Red, Midnight Blue or Jet Black.  If we learn of a Asian woman driving a BMW of a lighter color the chemical must be wearing off!  Keep a close eye on her, she might end up buying a HONDA.  And what's ironic is that is mostly who you see driving a BMW.    So will I be the first not to fall for this outlandish scheme? 

I hang my head down in shame cause I have a Black Z3 back home in Arizona.  I will say this though,  If American gas prices get like Japan that Z3 will be on a trade in lot and I will be headed off on a Honda Scooter.  Remember those back in the mid 80's?  Everyone had to have a scooter.  I bet you that will happen again.  It will probably start with Paris Hilton or some other celeb with this green ambition.  What's scary now is people cant drive while on a cell in a car, imagine them on the road on a scooter babbling on a cell phone!  Poetic justice though is to see Paris Hilton on a custom made scooter holding a Chihuahua in a special doggie holder while on a cell and Britney Spears runs a red light late to another court appearance while she's behind the wheel of a Escalade talking on her cell.  Paris were are you?  Het Brit!  Me? Oh I am going through........ Paris?  Paris?  HEY PARIS!?!  I will have to call you back some dumb bitch on a scooter with a dog pulled out right in front of me. 

Now Now don't say that’s mean.  Besides I can dream cant I?

But I am keeping the MARCH.  It’s a good car.  Maybe I should get a new radio for it.

a person I know who reads this blog religiously had a question.  Why the two laptops.  In an one on one I had purchased a new laptop Sunday Morning not mentioned in this blog and the one mentioned was on the Saturday evening prior.  The answer is when I was at You Me Town there is a Deo Deo store there.  I went in to get a video and I also got the first laptop there.  However it was one were its video card had difficulty operating the program I needed to use SL.  So early the next morning I exchanged it and paid the difference for a real good one.

Well gnight people its 1012 and I am tired.  As for my intuition about something being asked of me?  Yes, Hatsuko wants to take Gymnastics.  We will see how that goes.  These girls are more expensive than me.

OK, I am finally feeling normal.  This weekend was long.  Parts were fun but having my home overran by preteen girls and a young adult looking to say to her parents that she's in the closet was a bit much.  So I remembered Carlos Mencia the comedian.  I suggested to her that at the next family formal function have 1 or 2 drinks get a lil wasted grab a Karaoke microphone and start the coming out statement with "I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE!"

No I didn’t really do that.  But I wish I had now and a front row seat to when it would happen.  Oh the joy!

Monday was Hatsuko first day of school.  I woke her up Kiyomi was already out the door, we ate and I walked with her to school.  On the way home walking by my lonesome I was in the end great full that both girls had a great weekend.  Though I know it cost me so much.  Next time I will keep it simple.  And if I forget one of you out there kick me in the ass.  Well actually I will leave that to Diana and Wonny!

I get home and I begin to relax.  One thing was well when I was at You Me Town buying food that one afternoon with Chiyo, the girls got the sense of oops maybe we over did it by staying another day.  So they started to wash towels and clothes and clean windows and found what was left and made me something special to eat.  Now when I got home and I got bags among bags the girls formed a chain going from the car into the house.  I parked the car and by the time I went inside they had all the food put away the bags cleaned up.  I am also noticing the house is even more spotless than the day prior. 

So I am greeted with a special thank you meal just for me.  I am like wow cool and I had just finished talk to a friend online as I was checking something out with a new laptop.  I go and sit down and I am like mmm this is good what is this.  No one answered.  it didn’t have a name.  Ok I see eggs veggies' some spices a little bit of meat and some ramen noodles.  but it has no name?  Turns out it was an experimental meal that they came up with cause they were feeling guilty about costing me money to keep feeding them.  This is were part of me and please excuse the expletive but it does actually fit the mood and grammatically necessary.  OH SHIT!  What the hell are they feeding me?  Suffice it to say it was still pretty good.  But still I think of all the evil things I have done and now I am if there is something wrong with this meal am about to pay the piper. 

Nothing came of it.  As I was out I decided as revenge I bought Forrest Gump and said ok girls you all are watching this tonight!  I want this movie stuck in their heads for a few days!  Lt Dan Ice cream! ICE CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAM!

They had washed clothes and some were drying.  Girls in groups of three took a bath before settling in for the movie.  We ate dinner relaxed.  Ad I was shocked they enjoyed Forest Gump.  Some girls even felt he was kind of cute in a way.  Youth of the world is in danger if Forest Gump is sexy.  Then again here in Japan men are lacking in numbers so much even a closet nerd who lives in his mamas basement some were in Idaho can get a girl.  I wonder if a few are reading this and breaking out the T shirts that read in Japanese "I am looking for a Japanese Girlfriend".  Don’t laugh those shirts actually do exist and they say just that!

So as Monday was here I sit and relax.  Then  stop and think to myself.  Uh Oh, damn it they ate dinner.  And they ate during the movie.  Such is my life off to grocery again.

All that was yesterday.  Today is Tuesday.  Something tells me I am going to have something to write about sooner than all of you expect.

Oh on a personal note.  HEY DIANA.  Since you are reading this blog can you find out if CC has any gigs coming up anytime soon.  I am itching to jam and give the girls a chance to watch their mom and the band play!  If not ask her since Pride Fest is coming up maybe we can get in on that!  Unless I missed it already

Love you all!  Its 4 PM I got a feeling something is going to be asked of me!

I was writing a sequel to my escapade over the weekend with my girls and the guests.  In the middle of this story I received a message from a woman who's been reading my blog.  What she wrote compelled me to stop writing that story and write this instead.  I hope she doesn’t mind but I am cutting and pasting her message to me here for all of you to read.

Subject:
RE: hi

Sent:
4/13/2008 8:07:52 PM

Thank you for being such a fine woman. I love what you have to say. You put it ALL out there. I look forward to your very real and true sentiments and  observations and reactions to life and the world of love and chaos that surrounds you/us. You are more than an inspiration to me.
Truthfully, I would love to become a mother tooooo!
I'm a very young 44-year old  and have made some choices which bring me to not conceiving any children as of yet. Life does not stop and time has sped up EXTREMELY. I've thought about adoption as solution. Who did you go through to find your wonderful daughters? Or, do you have any suggestions for me if I plan to take the adoption route?
Thanks so much for your personal note/message.
BTW, my trip was excellent.
Your trip sounded great too!
Best Regards,

I never in my life figured that what I have done to move someone so much to now seek adoption.  For a brief moment I stopped what I was doing and I returned to Second Life to help a friend in need.  There I learned that two of my band mates had been reading my blog.  One of them told me I was doing a great job.  Sue a lady who reads my blogs adopted children and she tells me I am doing fine.  Bret has been very supportive. 

I want to say something important.  Please don’t take this the wrong way.  I am more than happy to help this lady.  And I sent her a long letter detailing what I went through and just how hard and stubborn the US Govt was.  Especially the Dept of Immigration.  She is going to have herself a hard fight.  I made it through girl you can do it too!  Hold your head up and call upon the strength of a woman.  I on purpose omitted her name because I did not OK it with her for me share just whom she is.  But there is a more important matter I need to express.  So please read on. 

When I tried to adopt children, I was turned away.  I was told no for countless reasons.  Everything from were my lifestyle was an issue to were I was a single woman without a partner.  All reasons saying no.  And it bothered me.  It bothered me to no end because there are children in those places that only need a home.  They only want a family.  here I was a woman well to do no history of negativity and I was turned away.  I had to reach out to a non profit organization that was able to connect me to an agency outside of the United States.  Please don’t take it wrong.  I love Kiyomi and Hatsuko.  I am great full for their lives and the very breath they have.  Even after this weekend were I felt angered by the fact were I felt used for a while.  Then seeing a woman write to me asking for my guidance calmed my spirit.  She has decided to open her heart to a child or perhaps children in need.  And I hope she can adopt from the first agency she tries.  No one not even I should have ever turned away from loving a child.  I should have been more than enough for them to say yes regardless of how I live and my marital status.  I should not have had to adopt from a foreign country.  A child in America is just as deserving as a child in Japan.  And when I see a superstar like Madonna adopt from Africa a child it upset me.  Not because the child was from Africa, it was because she saw some other celebrities do it and I am asking myself why are you not adopting American?  What is it because they are made in the U.S.A.?  And why are you doing this?  Only because some other celeb is doing it?  

Up above is a single woman who is going to adopt because she wiling to open her heart.  More power to you sister and I will walk with you every step of the way for this blog to see and I hope you write a blog about it.  That is why you adopt children.  She felt the need for herself because she said now is the time for me.  I am 44 she said now is the time.  All because I gave her encouragement.  I was not a celeb who did it because other celebs did it.  That’s like buying a god damn Chihuahua and wearing that dog as a fashion statement.  Soon after that you had others doing it.  These are children people.  And every child looking for  a home should be afforded the chance regardless of the parent to be.  

I don’t care if you contact every news agency in the world and ask them to read this blog.  I want the world to know that no child should be left behind.  And if you adopt do it for the right reasons.    For the lady whom wrote to me, Yes I will help you.  And if you want to add a message to this entry so the whole world knows who you are then do it. 

I am not angry anymore.  To know my words have helped someone make a choice has made me cry.  I wrote this blog to keep my friends abreast of what my life is going through.  200+ views a day my friends are nearing 1000 people.  All of whom are reading this blog.  People from all parts of this world have been sending me comments privately about what I am doing.  Then today one decides to adopt children. For those whom read this don’t adopt because a woman here is doing it and you say ok if she's doing it I will too.  Do it only if you really mean to open your heart.  These are children people.  They only look to be loved, they only want to be held, they only want to smile again.  Those are the reasons they are in need and if you can fill the moments that makes them loved, needed, held and smile then adopt.  Open your heart and adopt.  Please do it because it’s the right thing to do.  Not because others are doing it.

Please just open your heart and make it worth it.  I beg you.  And please share this with your friends.  So they have reason to care.  If they don’t have a PC print it for them.  Send it in a letter.  Something.  Just do right by these children.  Please.

Slumber Party.  This was like a well, wild, weird, fun, I don’t know it was just interesting.  So let me start from the beginning.

Come Friday I got bedding ready, I ordered food, got a mini limo bus and some movies all to be the coolest mom OK?  The girls came home and guests would be arriving soon.  Now some of the girls were aware that I had already reserved a hot springs bath.  Some did not.  So when girls were showing up some were in Pajamas already and had bathed before they came.  So that caught them off guard.  Others some parents were concerned over their daughter bathing at a home were the mother is a lesbian.  Yes that issue did come up.  I met the parents and after talking to them over tea and cake as their daughter hung out with mine the parents were lie oh ok it’s a the hot springs not here.  Then two girls brought older sisters.  So now I have 8 guests in my home add my daughters and I and you now have 11 females in 1 house with only 1 toilet.  For the confused perverts reading this let me explain it like this.  Eight underage females running around in their underwear and at the head of the household a lesbian with fake breasts.  I can see the weirdoes now nodding their heads going uh huh!

Now I ordered food for 12 just in case some parents decided to stay for a bit but that didn’t happen.  But I saw these girls EAT!.  All of them yes even the ones who took a bath at their own house still went off to the hot springs and had a party there then came home and cleared out the complete buffet of food.  They were polite and orderly but to say women eat light is an under statement.  And the topic of conversation?  Diets.  Dieto ashtakara, Dieto ashtakara!  Means I will start my diet tomorrow.  These girls are all under 85 pounds why do you need a diet.  So while they settled in I went took my bath, came out.  Now before I took my bath I closed the door to the family room were everyone was gathered.  See my bathroom is in the kitchen.  I left my robe on the chair.  During my bath I heard the girls enter the kitchen and leave.  I heard the door shut again.  I settle in on the hot bath with a rag on my forehead and just relax.  My IPod plays and I am dreaming of the days were my girls and I took the stage at the Palooza back in 2007.  I am hearing the music and playing my guitar.  Watching CC and Tiara jump out in the audience, Wonny play he drums and Diana on her Bass.  That was a wild party.  Very long but wild event.  I sat there in my bath and wiped a few tears.  I really miss them and I hope they read this blog so they know that.

My eyes are stinging I step out the bathtub and let it drain and I wash my face once more and rinse my body.  Now the towels are outside the door.  I step out I wipe my body down and I see my robe is missing.  Most likely Hatsuko cause she likes to snatch it from me cause its black chiffon and silk.  I had ordered some silk pajamas for me.  Fuscia in color and very soft.  Those are in the dressing room.  Now let me paint a picture.  The dressing room has all the dressers were our clothes is kept.  Our bedrooms do not have closets like American homes.  There are futon closets were your bedding goes when you wake up.  You fold it and put it away.  Keeps the house looking nice.  Now the dressing room has rice paper doors that open to the kitchen.  on the other side are another set of doors and a hallway  and another set of doors and there is the TV room.  The family room is in another part of the house were all the food was eaten.  So I go into the dressing room and I am greeted to open doors on the other side and all of the girls yes all of them are in the TV room looking at me.  And I hear in Japanese, "your mom has such a nice body".  And then I hear "oh my mom has implants, and in true Japanese girl fashion a large in unison "EEEEEHHHHHHHHHH?" And now I am surrounded by her friends "are they really implants?, didn’t it hurt?, were are the scars?, do they cost a lot of money?, how old were you when you got them?, do they leak?, why did you get them?, do men like you better now?, are they heavy?, do they ever come loose?, have you ever pushed one out of place and had to have the doctor put it back?, I was told they can come loose and slide around your body is that true?  OUT OUT LET ME GET DRESSED OUT!  And they split back to the TV room and closed the rice paper doors behind them.  Not before I noticed that the 17 year old sister of one of the girls had a look on her that told me she was on my team.  She has been the quiet one.  Now I am nervous.

So after getting dressed I join the girls and answer just a few of their questions about imitation boobies.  A lot of laughs are shared and a lot of myths answered.  There was no topic of sex but there was topic of body cosmetic cause I have had full body electrolysis were my hair was removed.  I even gave them some beauty tip advice I had learned over the years.  One of them being how to exercise the right way for a woman and how it is the best diet out there.  After laughing till my stomach hurt I noticed the 17 year old next to her sister.  I motioned to her to come with me cause I wanted to talk to her 1 on 1.  I told the girls we would be back.

Outside my bedroom I have a balcony and that’s were I took Chiyo.  I wanted to make sure we were out of earshot of all the other girls.  So I turn to her and said "let me guess, you heard about this slumber party and your parents learned I was gay, they were a bit hesitant so you volunteered to come along and see if it was ok to stay the night too.  While your parents are under the impression you are looking out for your sister, your real reason for being here is because you have questions.  One of them is hot to come out to my parents and let them know I am gay.  She looked at me all wide eyed, I don’t know what you are talking about.  Are you sure was my answer to her and she looked down and nodded yes.  So I fold my arms and look at her with an expression of who are you bullshitting and she came clean. 

Chiyo has been seeing a woman of 22 who is gay.  Chiyo admitted that she was curious and seeing this woman she gave in to her curiosity.  Now she finds herself wanting to be with her.  This older woman is in college and the have talked about living together just as soon as Chiyo finishes high school.  She wants to go into nursing and become a school nurse.  But she is afraid that coming out to her parents whom are normally strict would mean getting cut off financially and her not being able to go to school.  Long story short she is scared.  But she asked how did I know she was in the closet.  I merely told her, when you looked at me you had this look in your eyes that only a woman gets when she is emotionally not physically aroused.  But I made it clear that in a way she placed me in some hot water.  The moment she comes clean to mom and dad they are going to think that I had something to do with it.  Chiyo is a nice girl and I answered her questions but in a way I kind of wish this didn’t happen.

We return downstairs and we all sit back and watch a movie called Waterboys.  It’s a comedy about some boys whom get talked by their teacher into forming a boys synchronized swimming team.  They go from being laughed at by the whole school to a real team and earn the respect.  A little too long in some parts especially the ending but very funny movie.  I recommend it to everyone who reads this blog.  And yes it has English subtitles.

After some tea and a few more laughs people start getting groggy and its mee mee time.  So lights go off I return to my bedroom and relax.  I here some laughter now and then and I return to my IPod.  Ted Nugent Stranglehold plays and I see myself learning the chords with my band BIRD on stage with me.  People rocking out to us.  Yes this is my night dream sequence.  Its what I do at night time.  I used to do this as a young girl.  Dream of a normal family were no one hates you.  I dreamt this way of Kathryn when I met her and a life with her.  I dreamt of a family of my own were I had children.  Now I have a family and I am not hated, Kathryn will always be a friend so she is in my life in a certain point of view, and my children are downstairs.  Dreams do come true.

So the next morning I awake and I find myself making breakfast and I am joined by everybody.  Girls are setting the table helping me cook picking up the bedding I mean everything is being done.  We all eat and they clean up the dishes dry them put them away.  Some went so far as to wipe the floors and the tables vacuum is on windows being opened for fresh air its like a complete maid service.  Then the fun starts all over again.  Now it’s a wild party.  Kiyomi asked me to play my guitar and I was still feeling the Ted Nugent song from the night before.  I do have a amp and I decide oh why not.  If I screw up I screw up.  I tell the girls unlike my sister mel I am into rock music.  So I give it a few turns on the Goddess, I'm tuning  testing tuning ok here goes.  I step on my distortion pedal and try to jam and I am jamming form what I think sounds good.  Now all of this is just coming from the head.  I have been playing for nearly a year now.  I wont say I am great cause I cannot read sheet music but I can do IRON MAN.  But this time I am just doing what comes to me and I am hearing the term "sugoi".  It means awesome/good in Japanese.  To pronounce it you simply say SUE - GOY

Lunch time comes again we all eat they clean I am feeling pretty good about this.  Its Saturday I am thinking they are all going shopping, but I notice they are all still in Jammies.  Ok whets up?  Then I find out.  Kiyomi asked them to stay again tonight!   WHAT THE F**K?!?!

I take Kiyomi upstairs and asked her if it is true.  She said yes mom you looked like you had major fun last night and everyone likes you.  First, ok I did have fun last night, Second I would do this all over again but not two days in a row.  Besides they ate all the food and I need to go shopping.  I made it clear to Kiyomi, hon. you should have asked me first.  Now I am mad.

11 people in one house for a second night.  What the hell do I do?  OK I need to go grocery shopping that’s obvious.  Pick up the phone dial international number to American Express.  I let them know I am going to be making some purchases on my amex please be aware.  Oh I am ticked off.  I am changing my clothes mumbling to myself she is like I am sorry.  So I let her know.  This will not happen again.  I get downstairs and I see Chiyo.  Chiyo did you bring clothes to change into?  She says yes but its sweat pants that are very short.  I wasn’t planning on going anywhere just to here and back home when our parents come to pick us up.  So you're not staying tonight?  Well yes because my sister agreed to stay.  I take Chiyo to the dressing room hand her a skirt, blouse and coat and say lets go.

Now remember when I said in another thread that the Skyline is too much for me.  I want you to hold that thought.  My put put does not have enough room to hold enough food for 11 people.  Well it can but I don’t feel like eating squashed bread.  So we use the Skyline.  I am on route 2 and I am still ticked off.  Chiyo senses something is wrong and asks me if I am ok.  So I tell her. she understands then she asks why did you pick me to come along.  And I say because next to me you are the only other adult in the house and I don’t feel like yelling at you.  Keep in mind I am in this car with way too much power, I am pissed off and above the speed limit.  Chiyo is holding on for dear life.

We get to you me town and we just start loading up on groceries.  Now a Japanese grocery cart and a Western Style grocery cart are not the same.  Difference is size.  6 Japanese grocery carts will be about 1 American grocery cart.  So you do the math on what it will be for 11 people for 1 more night.  And We have to bag our own.  Get the picture?  Understand?  OK lets move on.

So how did it all go?  Pretty good. I survived a second night of preteen girls and experimental food.  yes they came up with some lets try this and that in dinner tonight.  Came out good actually. 

When Sunday came and they started going home I was relieved.  They cleaned before they left but I would have liked a day of just Kiyomi and Hatsuko and I. I did tell my girls though never to do something like this again.  Just because I have money today doesn’t mean I can have money tomorrow.  And don’t expect that mom can save the universe with her American Express at any given time.  Why?  Cause I worked for what I have.  That is one thing I will be sure to teach them as they make their life with me.

Crazy kids.  Wait till they have kids of their own.  Oh That’s when I will get my revenge then.  Buy all my grandchildren little drum sets.  Play the drums for grandma!  Good just like that loud and noisy.  Now when you get home tonight I want you to tell mommy and daddy that grandma said you have to play these drums! 

Damn I am evil!

I have been slammed with countless messenger requests.  No I will not add you.  My messenger is reserved for family and work.  I  do not wish to seem rude, but if I am on my messenger its due to my attention is needed elsewhere.  Please respect the fact that I will not add anyone to messenger

Its Thursday here in Japan.  I am a little perplexed.  Hatsuko is out with some friends and I am done with some chores.  But I am gearing up for FRIDAY NIGHT.  Friday is when my peaceful home of three will play host to 6 girls from Kiyomis school.  You read correct 6 teenage girls will be coming to spend the night.  See what happened was Kiyomi is popular now and has made friends asap.  So she invited 2 girls and some others felt left out so rather than seem rude 2 turned into 6.  Kiyomis new school does not have school on Saturdays which is good I guess.

So I had to prepare bedding, food, deserts entertainment.  I even had to rent a driver with a mini bus to take them to a bath house.  OK let me get this one thing out the way.  Here in Japan its not ODD for girls to bathe together.  Truth, its something women here whom are good friends just do.  The reason why I had to hire a bus is I am not dealing with 6 naked asses in my own home going wild in the bathroom.  I made a appointment with a bath house for them to go there via mini bus relax have drinks (non alcoholic) play around wash then bathe.  then its into jammies then they come to the house via mini bus and there will be food here for them to kick back and eat then movies deserts and what else that they will do what they do.  I have decided to opt out of the bath session and simply wash my own ass here at the house while they are over there.  Sushi for 12 will be delivered cause contrary to popular belief teenage girls can eat just as much as boys which is what I have come to learn since becoming a mother.  So you can see it makes sense for me to be here while 8 girls (6 guests + Kiyomi and Hatsuko) go there cause I can make sure the food gets here and prepare bedding.

But back to the bath thing.  Several years ago I went to a very elaborate bath house.  Friends and I leased a bath room for our own use now what set this one apart from other bath houses was this we thought was a general party location.  We didn’t know it was actually a bath house geared towards men in groups.  So let me paint a mental picture.  This place had a large waterhole were the water is not deep but waist high.  in the middle of the pool area was marble seating with a wet bar.  the bar itself had burners built on for cooking Yakiniku.  Yakiniku is like a Japanese Bar B Que.  Very yummy!  Now this sounds very comfortable.  When we rented it they wanted to know if it would be full service and we said yes.  It was my going away party due to I was headed back to America.  So we wash and we enter the bathing area and we notice a young woman in a fluffy apron at the bar in the pool and she has the burners going.  But I noticed she was nude except for the apron.  Then  we have a few more girls there as well servers, and they are nude that’s when we realized full service was meant for something different.  So after the correction was made the girls switched to swimwear.  I just went with it but in the back of my mind I was like DAMN.  Being a lesbian and all I rather enjoyed the atmosphere.

Tell you what though.  I was bothered by the idea of 6 strange girls in my home that I don’t know and have never met the parents were I could establish a level of comfort.  I don’t want to have any of them go home and be like HEY MOM I spent the night there and her mom is gay and we all took a bath together and we ate sushi and pie.  Yes that’s a horrible way of making a point.  I wasn’t going for humor.  I am actually nervous cause I don’t want to well seem weird to others and also embarrass my daughters.  One thing about Japan is gossip is like everywhere. 

But its only for 1 night.  I just think I need to relax and let it play out.  I am sure I am worried over nothing.

Hatsuko and I spent the day today doing the most of nothing.  The house was clean laundry was from the trip and before we left I had housekeeping at the hotel do it for us.  So when Hatsuko woke up I introduced her to a package that arrived of a Playstation 2 and the game guitar hero 1 2 and 3.  I even ordered an extra guitar.  So you should have seen this 10 year old girl in yellow pajamas trying to get the hang of this game.  But when she started to It was funny cause she was going nuts!  There is a Japanese guitar hero game known as Guitar Legends.  It is very similar to Guitar Hero but it is not in home version.  Its an arcade only version and it features music from both United States, Japan and Europe.  So true guitar fans would go insane.  But there is Hatsuko learning Free Ride and giggling.  Now I am not that good but I made it farther because I have that game back at home in Arizona.  Still it was fun watching Hatsuko trying to jump up and down like a real rock star.

Kiyomi came home in the evening.  I asked her how it was and she was all smiles.  Her first day in school was great.  She got there met her class.  Everyone was new.  Quickly she made friends.  The most interesting is when they ask you not only your name in the class but also about your family.  So Kiyomi came with it.  "Yes I am recently adopted by my mom.  She's American but looks Japanese because her father was Japanese.  She's not married but she has her own business in America.  I have a sister who was adopted too.  There is no father because my mom is gay.  Oh and my mom has three sisters, one is in Tokyo and she sings J-POP, one is in Naha and she manages family business and the other is married living in Hawaii".  She said the room was stunned.  So the teacher asked her if this was just a story and she said no.

For a while she felt out of place until lunch were she was asked by a few girls, is it true your mom is gay?  She said yes and it was something the girls gathered around to hear because they are naturally curious.  She told them about Akira and that they are dating and how mom helped her score him as her boyfriend, and how mom can play guitar and is in a band called "BIRD".  Then she told them about our salon times and our recent trip to Kyushu with the boys.  So to these girls they are like wow your mom is so cool.  They asked about my sister whom for now I will not mention in this blog due too I do not want it flooded with her fan base.  All I will say is her new album comes out April 9th!

During her convo with these girls her phone rings and its Akira.  He is calling from his lunch break and he wanted to know how her day was going.  All these girls are gathered around listening to the convo and they are squealing.  It didn’t take long for even the upper classmates to catch on.  Before she knew it she was adding phone numbers to her cell, passing out her email and making friends fast.

So after school her and her new friends went to a café nearby were Akira dropped in.  That added fuel to Kiyomi cause he walked up and gave her a kiss.  To girls that young having a boyfriend is a big thing since Japan has a male shortage.  Most girls get envious.  He's cute he's from a good family he dresses nice, he's mature.  He hanged out with them for a while but had to leave.  With that Kiyomi found herself amongst friends.  So this Saturday a good chunk of these girls are coming over for a pajama party.  Just like a slumber party for girls in America the Japanese one consists of Pizza, Soda, Pastry, conversation about boys and dieting.  Then they will go to a Japanese hot bath relax then come home change into Pajamas and just veg out over nothing. 

I was never in a slumber party.  I hope they let me join them!

Ah, its good to be home.  As you have read we spent the week in Kyushu.  We got there safe and returned home safe.  No issues.  So the question is what now?  Well today was Kiyomis' first day of School.  New school.  Hatsuko stayed in bed as Kiyomi got up earlier than usual to put on her uniform, eat breakfast and catch the train.  She looked so adorable.  Now I am in a dilemma.  I am a huge OZZY OSBORNE fan.  So I am eager to find out the tour dates for this years OZZFEST.  Yes if it’s a good tour and a good lineup I will fly back to the United States with my girls to party at OZZFEST 2008

I already made plans with my friend Nekorina cause rumor has it OZZFEST will be a two day event in Texas so why not make it a good time.  She has a daughter and he daughter has a girlfriend.  So why not!  A great way to break in my daughters to mom rocker.  I can see Kiyomi and Hatsuko now bobbing their heads like Bevis and Butthead.

This week was good though.  It was nice to spend a few days away from here see some familiar landmarks and feel free.  Hatsuko and Corey were very happy and they are learning to communicate at their own speed.  He got a regular Japanese dictionary and she uses it to say what she needs to say as he does.  They giggle and laugh and are happy.  Kiyomi and Akira are so in love.  It was nice to see them bond more deeper.  The best part of this trip was there were no issues  on the boy girl thing.  I was worried about that despite that I got the boys their own hotel room until we arrived at Huis Ten Bosch were I had rented a three room suite.  At night I would get up with anxiety of what if one of the boys or one of the girls snuck in to see the boys and they were  playing house!  No issues.  I found the boys asleep in their beds and I found the girls asleep in their own beds.  No issues.  I worried over nothing.

I guess I am very fortunate.   I got two girls I can openly discuss certain issues with like boys and they understand.  And now that they are dating both have become very receptive to me.  I didn’t know that the two of them dating boys would make a strong impact on our relationship.  I mean all I did was show Kiyomi how I can be cool and land her a chance to talk to a boy with the desert story.  Then a dare turned date for Hatsuko kind of opened their eyes that mom was actually being cool.  They are not scared any more of mom being GAY.  I think meeting Akira's parents and they telling their stories about being an orphan at a time when Japan was coming around made Kiyomi feel like she was amongst company.  Then to turn that towards Hatsuko which turned to me has made me feel loved.

Now I am not going to say I rescued these girls.  My heart was the one in need of rescuing.  But I learned from Akira's parents what happens to most girls that are not adopted.  Remember how I mentioned that Japanese employers look at your education history and actually look at the school you go to?  Well if you are an orphan, you are not accepted to some schools because of the financial requirements in terms of text books, uniforms, and materials.  So those girls end up going to a lesser school were it becomes a survival of the fittest.  Those girls go to a high school of the same caliber and upon graduation usually find themselves in jobs of service within manual labor or the adult entertainment industry.  And that part is sad.  So if a girl is highly intelligent but an Orphan, and cannot afford the costs associated with a good school, then she is  subject to a school that is below par.  Even if she maintains a A+ average and graduates at the top of her class, she could still find herself making a living from the porn industry because an employer can turn her down for going to a below par school.  That kind of takes the wind out of a good education and really applying yourself to better your position.  And I have to be honest.  Japanese porn is very degrading to a woman.  If a woman must do that to make money to eat, then I will never look down on her.  But I hope she uses the money to better her education so she will never have to do that for a living.

But I am getting off the subject.

Kiyomi and Hatsuko are good girls.  And I believe that they can now feel that they can come to me to talk about things they could not ask a mom.  But most is that I can go to them and live the life I never had.  Perhaps we will move back to Arizona.  I would like to see both girls experience, Sadie Hawkins day.  Homecoming dance.  Even a prom.  I would love to see them in beautiful gowns going out for the evening with a partner of their choice.  Limousine outside to a nice dinner then dancing.  Watching my daughters walk the line from High School graduation then off to college.  

I never got to do any of the dances.  And I would hope one or both would say to me, mom come with us.  Come to the Home coming dance and experience it.  Yeah I might cramp their style of a mom at the dance but I think they would forgive me.  There are so many beautiful things in this world to be a part of.  And I will hope to be a part of it as it comes     

I am not in Hiroshima as you read this.  With Kiyomi, and Hatsuko on a guess you can say spring break, I said lets take a trip to Kyushu Prefecture.  After talking to Akira's parents and they agreed to let him come along.  I spoke to Corey's parents and they said no.  But they called a short time later stating that they just got his report card and  it was all A's.  So as a prize, he got to come along.  I know this is unusual.  Yet I seemed to have earned their trust.

So with the Bigger car packed all 5 of us jumped on the express way and we drove to Kyushu.  Kyushu has a amusement park named Space World.  But its also famous for Huis Ten Bosch, the Holland Village that exists in Japan.  But if I had to name a place for all of you to say Oh, it would have to be Nagasaki.

We get to the hotel and rent two rooms.  No not one for me and one for them!  One for us girls and one for the guys.  If you were thinking the opposite then SHAME ON YOU!.  That’s right BURAK you pervert!  SHAME ON YOU!  Weirdo.  So with the kids on break except for Corey who had to be excused from school by his parents we awake the next morning go get some yummies then head into SPACE WORLD.  No sooner than we enter, Kiyomi and Akira head one way I am like hey were did you go?  Then I turn around and guess which other couple are gone too?  I spent a long time looking for them.  OOOOOHH I was not happy.  That and it sucked be all by my lonesome.  When I was looking for them I was overwhelmed with fear of what people would think of me.  I was so scared.  After the ass chewing, the kids came and apologized, saying they were just very excited.  But in the end they did have a lot of fun.  But I will admit I did wish I was not alone.  I should have called Umi and had her join me.  Just taken a plane to Fukuoka.

The following day I took everyone to Huis Ten Bosch.  It’s a Holland Village were there are windmills, tulip lined cobblestone streets, euro décor.  People live here.  Now I wanted to get into more of Huis Ten Bosch and I am sure you all want to read about it, but I would rather speak of the Memorial in Nagasaki. 

We walked the memorial and viewed just how much destruction was caused.  Granted what we see here can be seen back at home in Hiroshima.  But what I saw later compelled me to write this.  At the memorial was a fountain.  Around the fountain were statues and gifts from other countries of the world that sympathized with Japan and its suffering.  But the Fountain wall carried the words of a dyeing girl.  It told of her thirst for a drink of water.  How she was so compelled to of thirst but the water was poisoned from the black rain that fell.  But her thirst was overpowering.  And in her moment of great suffering she drank the water even when told not to for it would kill her.  But the desire for water was greater than the fear of death.  She lived only long enough to say why she wanted a drink of water.  Her words will forever be inscribed on the memorial.

This made me stop and think.  Here in Japan, many people are angry with America and its present war.  Other countries feel the same.  Then I remember the words of Osama Bin Laden.  He stated that if America agreed to turn Islamic, all attacks current and future will be stopped.  Then I read the words on the wall again.  Japan in its lust for power did some horrible things to other countries prior to attacking Pearl Harbor.  In the end Japan had its ass handed to them but at the expense of its people.  Then again I remember Osama Bin Laden's' words.  And then I remember my other blog about teenage girls and how they are acting.  Not just the girls but boys too.  Now I understand.  This war America is fighting.  Its not for Oil, its not to prove whose still the big boy on the block.  Its not to intimidate other country's into our way of thinking.  Its really for a fight to prevent our Annihilation.  Now this is for all you women out there.  One hundred years ago, we women were in the Kitchen.  We did what people told us to do because our gender was seen as a position of lesser.  Now we are more than what our grandmothers expected us to be.  In many cases we have accomplished more and did some sacrificing.  Everything from our virginity to our very lives.  And as an American woman we achieved freedoms that gave women in other countries the courage to stand.  We are taking our civil liberties for granted.  If Osama Bin Laden gets his way, we women will be in burkas.  Our education, accomplishments, emotions, individual freedom of choice will be stripped from us.  But most of all we would have slapped the face of the women whom came before us and did what she had to to give us more.  I am not willing to give up that freedom.  And I will not disrespect those women who made me who I am today. 

But we do not see it.  We are focused on what is now.  What will be handed to us.  And when I say us I mean us as a people not just women in general.  Young women hear me out.  I can say lets take away your cell phones and internet and access to the free world.  You might not put it together.  But if you put your mind really into it, you can see it.  A life were you are nothing.  Nothing but a object to a person.  This is not a hate on men.  Truly its not.  But I have spoken to some women whom left the middle east against all and settled in America and they told me some horror stories.  One woman told me she saw her sister repealed sexually assaulted by the friends of her brother as her own brother looked on.  Because he was a man standing up to him was wrong.  And when she finally stood up for herself he cut her.  He repeatedly cut her with a knife about her face scarring her forever.  He even blinded her.  He spent 1 night in jail and returned home a hero to his friends and even his father.  Is this the Islamic way?  No.  I refuse to believe that the Muslims are this cold hearted.  I do believe that there are those in the middle east whom use the Koran and interpret it in a way that was not meant to be interpreted.  I personally believe if the Prophet Mohammed were here he would not be happy.  But I am getting off the subject.

What I am getting at is we in dark rooms in places were we are not seen do look at what America is doing and say damn you go America.  You do what you need to do.  But in public we follow the crowd.  I love America and in its darkest hours of the world America has been the light of the world.  And in the mist of this fight, young men and women lay down their lives for all of us.  All of us not for America but for the free world.  They do so because in our darkest hour hope springs eternal.  This is what it means to be an American.  This is who I am.  This is who I will forever be.  An American and proud of it.  

What is hurting America is people with liberal thinking whom tell other people your violating my rights.  But they make society worse.  People whom think they are Sigmund Freud.  Spanking a child is wrong they say but kids run amok now.  I was never disciplined; I was abused.  I would rather have had my ass whipped with a stick for talking out of line than the kicks to my body for coming home 4 minutes late from school.  And as I sit here at this memorial and I let my girls explore I write this blog.  I see the words.  The thirst.  She was thirsty for a drink of water.  And this is the fate of America.  We will not learn until one American City is lost and a child there will walk amongst the black rain in search for a drink of water.  Then and only then will the world truly understand just what America is fighting for.  Yet it should not take an act like this to make the people open their eyes.  And perhaps maybe that’s why the President is the way he is because he cannot tell us everything that is going on.  He can't.  People with this Microwave Mentality of wanting things right now don’t get it.

This is were I see myself for who I am.  Could I lead America into a bright future?  Damn right I can.  I can because I think of the men and women dying for me.  I think of the women who laid down their bodies and pride to give me a better future.  The men who stood up against those that said it could not be done and they still move forward and saw it through.  And proved it could be done.  Thank you Wright Brothers.  Your invention of flight brought me to Japan to become a mom.  We as a world can learn from a girl searching for a drink of water.  And now that I am a mom, I ask myself and of the world, who will it be?  This world is not made for you and I.  Its made for the children.  But who is willing to fight for it?  Who?  Talk is cheap.  People talk and as they talk someone walks in to enlist.  And as another person talks the zipper closes on a bag with a fallen.  And as people talk a child is born.  But again who is willing to fight for it?  I know I can say yes I am willing to fight for it.  I will lay down my life for my family.  I would be honored to die tonight  if my children will have a better tomorrow.  Its more than just saying it.  I feel it.  I feel it so much that I will answer the call when my time comes.  

People have lost their way.  Our past taught us that a man had to answer for his crimes.  Now we just hear excuses on why he is the way he is and how society must pity him.  No one gave me pity, I just got off my ass and did it for myself.  I never gave my kids pity, I merely opened my heart.  So to those that read this in whatever country you live in.  Always remember this girl in search of water.  Always remember your thirst.  A thirst for Knowledge a thirst for freedom a thirst for happiness or a thirst of a glass of water.  It should never cost you your very life.  And if you don’t understand this, then you don’t deserve to be a parent let a lone a leader of a nation or simply a leader to those looking for guidance.

I'm Thirsty 

From:	burak
Subject:	YNT: RE: YNT: RE: hı
Sent:	4/3/2008 2:54:39 AM

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From: burak
Sent: 4/1/2008 10:06:03 AM
To: Cookie Yamada
Subject: hı