Nekogirl's Realm

1963 1/2 Jeep CJ5

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 05:34:16 GMT

Several years ago I got this old Jeep to help settle a divorce. I was buying a home in foreclosure and the married couple agreed on a price to sell me the home at. On top of that the husband didn’t want his wife to have the Jeep so he sold it to me for 500.00! The thing was old but I had a soft spot for I. Since getting it, I got new tires rims new paint sound system. Painted the thing pink and black! It quickly became my toy for the urban jungle. What better way to cruise around the valley in a bikini on a hot summer night. Trips to Sedona, New Mexico, and anywhere in between. I totally forgot how fun that thing was.
So why mention it? For it was that Jeep that took us to our first 4th of July fireworks show. See, the girls and I got in it because to me it’s the easiest way to kick back and watch a good show from a car. But I totally forgot the freedom it had. Kiyomi was quick to remind me of that freedom too. See Kiyomi is starting to develop from a girl into a woman. So when we were in the house changing she came to chat with me in my room and my walk in closet. She was amazed by the sheer size and the amount of clothes I had. No joke my walk in closet is 967 square feet of custom built fixtures that have all my clothes. I even have a special vanity for cosmetics. So it didn’t take long for her to try on clothes.
Here I am with Kiyomi in my closet and we are playing dress up. Hatsuko joined us and it became a fashion show. Outfit after outfit laugh after laugh I was feeling the comfort and warmth of this house as it was meant to feel. Before long we had hot pants and mini tops. Down the road we cruised jamming to my sisters cd and drinking bottled water. Both girls were excited over how a Jeep feels with its air running over our bodies and the sky above us. Clouds were coming in but we found a good spot and just chilled. It wasn’t long before we three were catching the eyes of young men and a few tried to come and talk to us only to learn that I was the mom and those two were underage. Still the thrill of it all was great! Lights went down fireworks raced across the sky and booms echoed. Both my girls were grinning ear to ear over the sight, And when it was all done we cruised and stopped at a SONICS for 3 banana splits and a moment to reflect in that Jeep.
Many people spend money on crazy vacations or ideas to have fun. This though was free. Just some fun at home a cruise into the dusk, a light show and ice cream while guys cruised us as if we were the flavor of the month. Those are the simple things in life we tend to overlook. I am glad I didn’t miss it. These are how memories are made of. I cant wait to see what tomorrow brings!

Were have you been?

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 02:05:59 GMT

Hi:
Now this is probably on the minds of many of you. We are in Phoenix Arizona. We arrived in country prior to Independence Day. Now the big question. What have you all been doing? Showing them America. Take two preteen Japanese girls out of their element, put them in a new country 1/2 way around the world with a new language, lifestyle, and home and yeah you can imagine the culture shock they are enduring.
But lets get to the start. We arrived in country and cleared customs. They were in shock. Okasan (mom) we are in San Francisco? Yes we are. They looked out the airport windows only too see that we were south of San Francisco and is disappointing view. But they did get their first taste of See's candies from a kiosk and boy did they love those!!!
After a quick lunch and a trip into the restroom to freshen up we boarded a plane to Phoenix. Just about 2 hours in the sky and taxing we were home. I got my girls and at the luggage area was a drive waiting for us. This was their first taste of luxury for outside in the heat was a long black limousine we got inside and off to the house we went. In my mind I was like wow I am home those two were glued despite exhaustion to the windows and every other comment from them was ooooooooooooooh! American cars are so much bigger! Look at the houses over there! Look at how blue the sky is. Wow that mountain has weird holes in it! Look at that one family! They are all so big they must eat very well and everything! I sit back and take it all in. Then I recognize the area. My home is coming upon us very soon. That’s when I heard Hatsuko. NANI SO-RE! Translation - WHAT'S THAT! That house is so big! Its huge, who would want to live in a house that big? And they both freaked out as the driver turned into the drive way. They both looked at me. No comment no words just a look of shock.
The driver is removing luggage I open the door and my two little sparrows go into the house and are running around like children in a playground. I tip the driver thank him for his time and ask him to return in a few hours to bring us to dinner. Its been a while since I have been in this house. When I left it was undergoing construction. I had a Japanese style bathroom built. I also had the front door and area around the front door reconstructed for personal reasons I will not mention here. The sudden change in this house was intense. I can here the girls rush around in excitement. I walk the house again and memories came back. Everything from places were I cried alone to moments of sheer joy. I walk the halls and see the fruits of my labor. I stand in awe now. The silence is gone by the sheer squeals of two girls exploring this house. I go upstairs to my bedroom and find that the girls both find their own rooms. they also found mine. So many questions of mom this and mom that! They love my bedroom then Hatsuko squeals one more time! Mom has a swimming pool and a stairway from her bedroom to the pool downstairs!!!!!
They both go running out the balcony and down the spiral staircase. Normally I would take all my clothes off and swim nude. but instead I put on a bikini and go running out too like a little girl and as I do I push each one in the pool and dive in myself. If they weren't fully awake they are now. I am laughing both girls are stunned then decide to come after me. There we were playing in the water like school age children. This very moment were I have been wanting happiness in this very home was finally achieved. I feel so alive now.
Now the big question. Will we actually stay here?

Sorry, Sorry, Sorry

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 18:52:39 GMT

OK, I know a lot of you are upset that I stopped writing. I am sorry. I haven't stopped, but rather have been bogged down with real life work. Its not easy being in Japan and trying to stick to a time frame to answer emails, international phone calls and faxes from my firm in Arizona. Furthermore the Foreclosure situation has my Title Firm in overdrive. Several months ago long before I left the US to adopt I had a real estate arm to my small company and was very successful. None of the houses I sold have gone under. That is why my office is in chaos. Though I sold that arm to Remax, people whom are desperate to sell have been coming to my office there trying to get out from under the terror they are in. Now any good investor will tell you this is a buyers market. But not all that you buy is good. So that has left me in a position were I am looking at email images of homes running comps from here waiting on appraisals to decide ok this is a good buy, or no this isn't a good buy. And honestly, many are not good buys. I have purchased a few non good buys only because there was a family with children and they were losing everything. So I purchased a home at about what they needed to get out of the debt they were in. That was a mistake cause I did that 4 times and word spread like wildfire in the valley. That has left my staff with the duty of turning away people with children and seeing into their eyes having to tell them I am sorry the offer is not accepted. All of this can be solved very easily. The President can order a 90 day freeze on all foreclosures and sales and have those arms placed into a fixed. But that will not happen. I will say this though. My office has seen people with homes purchased at 400K with a home value of 200K or less. People got shop happy on these homes buying houses at large offers thinking they were going to flip it very soon. Not wise.
Now on the other note. I have been making sure all our immunizations and medical records are up to date for entering the United States. This will be a unique time for the girls and I. We are leaving Japan this Thursday and will arrive in Arizona. For the first time they will not only see America but also see my home there. Prior to leaving I had a construction crew redo a portion of the house to make it into a Japanese bathroom. I ordered to go all out. Spared no expense. It took them close too 40 days to redo and complete my vision. I saw the pictures and it looks great! But then I had another reality check.
In my time here with Kiyomi and Hatsuko I learned that I can give them the world. But that doesn’t make me a better mother. I learned all I had to be was me. We have a nice home here in Japan. Only because we made it that way as a family. I do not think that will be done with the home in Phoenix. That house is over eight thousand square feet in size. It is luxurious, it is attractive, it is everything many of you would dream of in a home. It is also a place that has brought me as much pain as much pleasure.
But my life is different now. I have children, and a new sense of self. That could turn that home around. Those are words many of you will say to me. Now lets look at the reality. America is a whole different animal than Japan. Kiyomi and Hatsuko, will have a language barrier, no friends, and a new lifestyle. That is what I am paying attention too. Yes I know they will adjust. But I also have a firm to run. Right now I am making it work. However I made this decision. Depending on the girls welfare and how they see America, will determine if I as their mother will either sell my Arizona home and reside in Japan and petition for full citizenship or stay in Arizona and take one step at a time and allow the girls to grow. They are in summer break for 45 days. That’s not a lot of time really to make that decision. But its what is given to me. I know they have boyfriends and will miss them. Though I told them there are much cuter guys in America!
We shall see what cards are to be played when the time comes. I will not try to read into this too much. maybe back on American soil I can then pay closer attention to this blog too. I love you all and will write again soon. I promise!

UPDATE COMING SOON

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 11:52:56 GMT

I promise an update soon. The reason why there is a delay is becuase we are retnring to Arizona first week of Augst. My girls are about to see our home there. I am also considering permanent residency here in Japan. So for now let me get doing what I need to do cause it means a big lifestyle change for me.

Very Difficult to Share

Sat, 24 May 2008 08:41:44 GMT

I don’t know were exactly to start this blog. We are not home. I am in Osaka I have the girls with me. I would like to share the reason why I am in Osaka it is something positive for me but I do not have happy news to report so let me come straight with it. I mentioned about Hatsukos friend the one that collapsed at school. She died. The girl was 11 years old. All I know was she was laughing and giggling when she was walking with Hatsuko. They were on their way to do something when she collapsed. I am not a doctor don’t know the details other than she died rather quickly. Excuse my language but Hatsuko is really fucked up right now. I am not asking details on what caused the girls death, so please respect that and not inquire.
Again we are in Osaka, I am in the recording studio regarding a audition. When I am not in the studio I am with the girls. This is going to take a while so to all those whim waited patiently please stand by for now. I will resume this blog once things start to feel normal

She meant well

Thu, 22 May 2008 00:28:01 GMT

In this forum of mine which is my blogs, my main reason was to focus on my girls and the adoption and how things have been. I did speak of such and also expanded my blog to include other issues. It was nice to hear feedback from people both in and out. So this morning as I write this I am finally cooled down from the temper I had yesterday. Before you say, oh boy here she goes again something about her being gay or this girl she opened her heart out to but got rejected, her band or someone doing something. This blog is supposed to be about the kids. So before you get upset this is about to go in a direction that will leave you all in shock, and a few of you grossed out. And it combines everything I mentioned to include the girls.
Now the new house here is still in some chaos. We are unpacking things still setting up our new home getting in to this new beginning. Now I didn’t mention that my aunt Hiroko has been trying to play matchmaker.    If I did I am sorry. I have so much family here in Japan. But Aunt Hiroko is the kind of lady who believes she knows what's best for you and will try to force it down your throat till you give in. Everyone gives in to her. They don’t like dealing with the drama so they just take the beatings cause it improves the morale.
She has been for many years trying to get me to date a guy. I flat out refuse. Now this time around as I am setting up a happy home here she has been trying to make that happen. But let me rewind you a few days. Lets go back to the day I posted the blog were I let you all vote. After I posted that blog, I was alone in the house cause both girls had made plans. So since I had just finished unpacking some boxes I needed a break but I was a bit lonely so I decided to fire up the new laptop and go into my old haunts in Second Life. See friends hear some live musicians, maybe take in a online movie or game or see what trouble I can get into. As you all were reading the blog I came across a very attractive avi and got to know the girl behind it. After a bit of talking and hanging out I took a strong interest in her to a point were I was feeling foolish for having made that blog. I see old friends I met this girl we are all having fun. During this time my aunt Hiroko has been plotting and scheming to get me to meet this guy. Now before you ask his name, I will say now, its not important. You don’t need to know it because quite frankly if you hear that name again in your lifetime what he does that I will write about in this blog will come back to haunt you. Perhaps.
Days go by, I am happy and then get the scare of my life when Hatsukos school calls and tells me she had an accident and was in need of medical attention and that an ambulance was in route to the school. I went out of my mind. I was so in a panic and fit I had trouble trying to figure out how to open the car doors. I was fortunate that a neighbor was home and drove me to the school cause I was hysterical. When I got there I learned Hatsuko was fine, it was her friend that slipped and fell head first on the stairs were she also hit her neck. Though I am grateful Hatsuko was safe, the other girl is not and my heart goes out to her family. Since her injuries we have been folding paper cranes here at the house. This is Hatsukos best friend in a new school so it means a lot to her.
So yesterday I go online to Second Life. I see my sister Umi, and my online daughter (she's a lady who I consider as family like Kiaa who posts comments here) Karalynn, Wonny my drummer. We are all out shopping online when I hear a doorbell. It was aunt Hiroko and the guy and his parents. I am like who what the F***!?! That’s right and she just comes right in. First I am not dressed for company, second my house is not done, and third you don’t bring people to my house and make your way inside without first asking me. So here I am. now at a table in my living room. I had to make tea, and lucky I had pastries enough for all. So I am sitting there and I am hearing my aunt talk and talk about he will make a good husband he doesn’t have a great job but that’s ok cause I do very well financially. But I got kids and they need a father. Keep in mind I am not being allowed to get a word in edgewise. Plus he doesn’t look clean. His parents look nice though. Now I keep trying to say something my aunt keeps stopping me my temper is about to pop and I see that the guy is not only shacking but he's sweating buckets!. I stop my aunt and ask him if he is ok? He said yes but he takes off his sock and my guess was right cause his foot looked dirty and he uses that dirty sock to wipe his face and neck. Talk about nasty!
This is were I lost it. I tell them I am sorry , there is no way I will marry their son cause for starters, I am gay, second, my daughters don’t need a father, I am their mother and it will be I who will choose who will share my life with, third I will not financially support a man who should be busting ass on his own to make a life. Especially since he is 44 years old. And last but not least, if I wanted a man it wont be him. I want one with some backbone who looks like he knows how to use a bar of soap! With that said I kicked everyone out my house!
He's probably a virgin anyway, and if he is I would not want a man who has to be taught. I want one that knows what the hell he is doing!
Now with that said, I feel a hell of a lot better. I don't know what my aunt was thinking. I am sure she meant well but I know what's best for me. And what's best for me are Kiyomi and Hatsuko, and not a guy who I will have to baby like a kid.

Again I am being asked why

Mon, 19 May 2008 00:29:42 GMT

Since the posting of my declaration to Nekorina, many of you were in suspense. Two more additions were made then the words from Nekorina -
Nekorina
5/14/2008 6:58:47 AM
(http://cid-2502ac9367fe4c35.spaces.live.com/)
We need to talk.
After that it was like the world was in suspense again and I found my email and personal messages over flowed with what did she say? Anything new? Some from you guys with expressions of love towards me to your own personal promises of how you would treat me. Thank you.
But things have not changed. Quite honestly her answer is no. Now is the world still in suspense. Yes it is. So much so that I have learned that my blogs are being translated as is into other languages. Here is a site that is from RUSSIA that is carrying my blog from here http://www.tgsc.ru/redirect/mynekogirl.html . It appears in English but it is translated into Russian. The webmaster contacted me requesting more more more, Especially now with the Nekorina Announcement. Here is another site: http://www.qihoo.com/wenda.php?kw=Kiyomi&do=search&noq=q
The idea that my blog is being fed through over web sites is very overpowering. So with the question asked of me, of what will I do now regarding Nekorina. I though that the question was answered when I said I would just move on. But I see that from all the responses a large number of you are asking me not to give up. One of you mentioned that by putting it out there to be read I was being honest. Another said I was being a fool. Whether it was right or wrong the choice was still mine. Try to look at it from my own viewpoint. What do I have to lose? I can call her tell her over the phone what I said here but that is not enough. I needed something more than just mere words here. So I cam clean. I said it in here for the world to see. So she could also see that I had opened my entire soul. It overwhelmed her and it was not enough though to make her stop and say OK and YES. Does she love me? She said she does. Do I? I wouldn't have opened my soul to love if I wasn’t feeling it for her. But the question is, Do I put up a fight for her heart and run the risk of pushing her away like I did with Kathryn? Or do I lick my wounds and just accept the fact I will never be someone special to a person. Yes I have a mothers love and I get loved by Kiyomi and Hatsuko. And I am special to them. But even I cannot deny the part in my heart that begs to ask to be loved. Can I really be more to someone? I too want to be loved. I want to be romanced. I want to be cuddled and cared and kissed and adored. I want to feel the hands of a woman embrace me in the bed. I want to be kissed coming home from work. I want to hold her in a hot shower and look in her eyes. I want to grow old and die in my sleep with someone who loved me enough to be there when I breathe my last breath.
So I put this in your hands. If my blog really means that much to all of you. All those that apparently read it and translate it then answer me in the comments. Give me a 1 for a yes or 2 for a no. If I have less than 5 responses then I will feel like a fool. So if I mean that much to all of you please respond. I am very sure of myself, but even must ask what is right for me. I don’t have that much experience in love. Following my heart is not enough. I don’t have the experience. So answer me publicly. Do I go for Nekorina all out with open arms in hopes that something comes of it. Or do I just stay single and celibate? 1 for a yes 2 for a no. I place this in your hands.

OKAY

Wed, 14 May 2008 01:54:54 GMT

When I came to this country I left a lot of old baggage behind me. But one thing I carried with me was the need for closure. What is sad is that in my years and in my age, my first love came to me in my 40's. Before then I had none. I had fear, anxiety, anger, pain. I had wanted to be loved but never having it, I you tend not to see it. You desire it but cant see it. Kathryn came into my life and gave me my first taste. I spoke of that till I am sure annoyed all of you. So when I became a mom a whole new world of doors opened to me. And the door were I came from was finally closed. Everything stayed in there, to include my desire to be with Kathryn. I could awake daily and see in the eyes of my girls my reason for being. All those people I saw before as friends I could now see differently and have a whole new appreciation.
In this clarity I finally saw Nekorina.
She and I shared much of the same dreams. One of them to love and be loved. She is a single mother, with a wonderful daughter. I finally said to myself to stop being an ass and to stop denying her. Speaking with both my daughters at length they also helped me see more. Nekorina and I had talked about these things before. She and I know the cardinal rule and we both broke it. I broke the rule for Kathryn and she broke the rule for Sade. That behind us both we both asked for one person just one to call our own. Granted she met who she is with now but its not a full commitment. I wont talk about what they have. I wont judge and I forbid anyone here to judge whom knows. All I wanted is to give her a reason and a person to call her own. And I ask the same.
Yes I asked two days ago and we have talked. Still despite our conversations she refuses to answer here. I guess I am wrong. I believed that she and I desired the same thing. To be loved by someone as your partner. Which is why I put it all out there. I wanted to show whets gone is gone. I got nothing to hide. I even decided and called Linden Labs to erase my original avi and all property contained. Yes Umi I promised you all its content but when I talked of closing that chapter in my life I realized it needed to go. All of it can be replaced but the memories are both good and bad in there. That is my level of commitment to my new sense of self worth. I know who I am again. A stronger woman. My life has come full circle and I see new opportunities ahead.
I will not force an answer from Nekorina. If I am not the one well guess what? I am not the one. Period. I got my daughters and my pride. I am a big girl and I can take it. I will hold my head up. Now my word for not dating has now been reinforced. I am not mad at anyone. Just cutting the Bullshit and coming straight with it. So Nekorina don’t take this personally. I thought you and I were on the same page but I see I am wrong. We will just let things be as they are. No harm there no issues no heartbreak. I came clean only to do right by you and to show you there is no baggage. So you would not need to be plagued by any underlying reason. Yeah I may seem like I am very harsh right now but this is not towards you. When we spoke the other night you were floored by this new me. This is not the new me, this is who I was before all the drama messed me up. I was fierce, I was strong, I was content. The things you desired in a woman. That is why I said I have come full circle. I am once again the woman you first met. Once again I got my life in the direction I had it. I know who I am again. Patience is a virtue, but tolerance is not. And like before I have zero tolerance. I like who I am again. This is the woman I need to be if I am going to raise two girls.
And I will raise these two girls on my own. Partner-less. I put it out there so you can have assurance behind my words. Talk is cheap show me is how I used to be. I showed you and the world. Again I am not mad at you. No reason to be. If this upsets you, then I am sorry. But I will move forward from this point.

No Answer

Tue, 13 May 2008 13:23:07 GMT

I know you read it, you told me so. But you havent answered yes no or hey I need time. I guess I got my answer.

Mothers Day and Something I will ask out loud here in the open.

Sun, 11 May 2008 05:44:30 GMT

Its Mothers day! First to all the parents not just moms whom read my blog. Happy Mothers Day. To the biological parents of Kiyomi and Hatsuko......you have given away such a precious gift. I wish you well, but I will never doubt the foolishness of your choice. To Umi congrats hon. This time next year you will be enjoying May 5th Children's day with your baby and looking forward to a mothers day with special meaning.
Today I joined the ranks of those whom got to enjoy this day. I was so glowing about Umi I forgot what today was. I am still glowing. To be honest I feel as if I am the one who is pregnant. That wont happen though.
Now on to something I must do here.
All of you have read my comments on Kathryn. I have to come clean. As powerful influence she was on my life. She has been gone. She has been gone for such a long time that it was very hard for me to get past that point. Coming to Japan, becoming a mom, making a new life here, has occupied my time. Being here has allowed me to get over the past. Somewhat. There is one more thing. Not really a thing but a person. It took me to get here and start over to make me realize that someone else was stepping back loving me from afar. All the while trying to be just a friend. She knows Kathryn. They chatted. We three even sat back in a hot tub together and shared girl stories. She watched Kathryn and I go our separate ways and she watched Kathryn return to help me back in 2007 when some serious drama messed up my life and my head. My attention though was again on Kathryn, however this other lady still walked with me and never used my weakness to gain something more.
During that time I watched her get her heart broken not once but twice. One was my fault because I got her in a relationship that didn’t work out. The second was were a woman merely just broke her heart because of the cardinal rule that a lesbian must never date a bisexual girl. All the while she still longed only for the same thing I desired. And that’s to be loved.
Nekorina aka Lien. I don’t want to hide what I see now is something special with you. We both have families we both have careers and we both have obligations. It took me his long to see what was right in plain view. I am so sorry for never seeing what I see in you now. I cannot completely change what I have now for I am grateful. But I would like for you and I to talk a walk together and see were this road leads us. I kept my word on not wanting to date anyone. Yet I cannot deny what I see now as pure love. So I will ask you here now in this blog for the world to see.
Dearest Nekorina. Will you take my hand here and now and walk with me and together lets see were this road leads us? So that I have reason to break my word and start what may become something beautiful and a new larger family.
So will you take my hand. Answer me here please. Even if it is a no, I want you to answer me here.

A BABY!

Sat, 10 May 2008 21:35:49 GMT

Hi everyone:
I am so excited I cannot sleep. I was at the other house cleaning it when I heard my note book chime. It was my sister UMI. I asked her for her blessing on a personal matter that I will write about following this blog.
I am proud to announce my real life sister is pregnant. For those of you in Second Life, this is a RL pregnancy! Did you hear that?!?!?!? Umi is having a baby! I jumped around that old house in happiness. I was jumping around screaming in Happiness. I was just so excited. Oh my the feeling that overcame me. Umi had told me a few weeks ago that perhaps what was missing in my life was a family of my own really. And now that I had adopted I was in my own world. She saw me close the book on one part of my life and begin a new chapter. Now here she is with a family of her own. Can you imagine the experience she will have. Feeling that child grow?
I had totally forgot I had left the new laptop in the closet. This entire empty house and the new laptop was still here! Talk about a string of Luck! I powered it on re-downloaded SL and bingo here I was hugging my sister online! I was so happy. Our friend Tes Tiramisu dropped in to say hello. Oh my god, can you imagine the new baby clothes I get to shop for? Little baby dresses and hats! Little Booties, toys! I am going to spoil that kid to no end!

Time for some good news!

Thu, 08 May 2008 06:38:21 GMT

OK
You all been waiting patiently. Drum Roll please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I purchased a new home in the northern end of Hiroshima City. This house is used but its rather large. Nice part it is like an American home with an enclosed garage for 4 cars. % bedrooms and 3 stories. Now why such a big house? Easy, one its located a lot closer to Kiyomis school. Second there is a very good athletics facility nearby were not only I can work out, but it has better classes for Hatsuko's gymnastics. But most of all I have a great view of Hiroshima and I am deep in suburbia were its more quiet. More space each girl will have her own room. One very large master bedroom. The bathroom alone here seats six easy. That’s great than the 1 person tub I have at the house here. I also liked the enclosed garage. I adore the security of coming home from grocery and if its hot or cold I can close the garage via remote. Neither car will be sun exposed. My father home here did require a lot of repair, but recently a little tremor resulted in us staying at the Parco Hotel in downtown Hiroshima. It wasn’t a earthquake really more like a simple jolt but it cracked the wall big time. The house ca be repaired but until then it will need work. So what I will do is move into the new home and have a full fledge repair of the old one and then talk to the housing department at Iwakuni Air Station. Perhaps a military family can move in since there is a park near it for children.
But again why 5 bedrooms? Cause I need to keep my promise. I am looking to adopt one more child! I have been starting new petition. I will return to Arizona this summer to check on the home there. I'm debating whether or to to bring Kiyomi and Hatsuko. Why? Cause they will be in school. Why yank them out for 12 days? It will only hurt their education and I can have a relative stay at the new house.
Now on to more news. My sister Mel launched her 4th album and she actually dedicated the album to me. Reading that blew my mind. I love you and I am proud of you! It started out slow but its taking Japan one step at a time. When Paradise is released I think it will explode as an international hit. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of it!
Well this house is done being packed. Its amazing how much crap you accumulate in a short amount of time. I wont have the net at the new house just yet. Umi you been hard to reach lately. I want to speak to you regarding Nekorina.
To Diana, Wonny, CC and Tiara. You girls are on my mind big time. Please go see Wolf at OD. I passed to him the track of Paradise. He will get it to you. Tanzie, Ortho, Rayne, Yousa, Wolf, Kiaa, Karalyn, Riri, Eleni, William, Angelisimo, Marcc, Warmspirit, Lady Emerist, Ankari, Frogg, Jaycatt, Noma, Gilka, Harper, Holli, Zeta, Will, Carmella, Nicole, DigitalChaos, Choyce, JB, Chino, Cylest, Collin, Jessica, Krimson, Amar, Lolita, Bubbles, Susan Tsuki, Susan Dangle, Tes, Ladyjane, Trout, Angel, Wyldchild, Callie, and to everyone else who showed me kindness. I want you all to especially know that my life has come full circle. I am great full. I am in so much peace in my spirit and my heart. Retuning to SL and leaving again hurt like hell. I love you all. I really do. I want you to know that so badly. So much. I am no longer in pain. Mel allowed me to finish the last song on her album. From the arrangements to the instruments. Its there in black and white for the world to read. You my friends mean so much to me. Once you hear Paradise you will know I have found who I am again. I am finally free! My dearest friends I am finally free! For those in SL who are still reading my blog I am sure WOLF wont mind streaming it for you or sharing!
For those of you who been waiting patiently for this update. Thank you!

LEGAL ACTION

Sat, 03 May 2008 17:50:01 GMT

I have received countless of messages from so many of you requesting me to continue my blogs and why have I not written? Are you and your children OK? To answer you all. Yes we are fine. Life has had a change here. Gymnastic, Tennis, Piano lessons, Homework, Guitar Lessons; my time has turned into full speed. So please forgive me, cause when I am doing all of this I am busy and when I am not doing all of this, I am working from home contacting my firm in Arizona. And in the mix of all this I am still trying to be a mom.
Now for the negative side of this blog.
Larry the one I posted in this blog has continued to harass me via private messages. I had to threaten to pursue legal action. But after thinking it through, I then felt that this will continue to a point were if I do return to the United States I and my girls could be victimized by a seriously disturbed individual. So I contacted local authorities here in Hatsukaichi with the Japanese National Police. Then I followed this up with a phone call to authorities both in my city back home and the Maricopa County Sheriff. I have even gone so far as to consult legal counsel and secured representation to pursue any and all necessary avenues to protect my dwellings, my employees at my firm, my children and myself. I turned over all messages to Microsoft, Police, and Legal Counsel. There is more than enough messages to constitute harassment.
Now with that said I am going to end this blog and go back to bed. I will bring everyone up to speed but not tonight. I just wanted to let you know just how far this has gotten. Thank you for being patient with me.

This still bothers me

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 05:20:19 GMT

I had a hard time sleeping last night. I had a terrible headache. Finally at about 3 AM and some aspirin taken I resolved to try to sleep. But before I went to bed I made breakfast for the girls left it on the table on how to heat it and money for each to buy lunch. I spoke to a few friends before I went to bed. One of them being Tiara my band mates and my SL family. What had been bothering me was the comment by that guy who talked of saving me.
Yes I know I used my blog to tell him were to go and how I felt. But what still gets to me is the fact that someone needing to be saved. That part really bothers me even know as I write this portion of my blog. As I mentioned in a earlier blog I grew up in a bad area. No one saved me but once. I was still 10 walking home from school. I was as I mentioned mixed nationality. Often I would get jumped and beat down cause for some people it was the thing to do. I remember this once lady Mrs. Nichols. She was an African American woman older and had seen more than her fair share of heartache. She saw me every day go to school and walk home and the beatings I would take. One day she came out her home and chased the kids off. I was bleeding and bruised and she took me inside cleaned my scrapes. She was merely kind to me. One of the few people I still remember. And she told me that as long as I keep running, those in pursuit will keep chasing. I had to be more than a woman.
Her words stuck to me. This was a woman who told me that her husband went off to fight Germany in WWII. He returned home but not as a hero. The War was over in Europe and she and her husband were riding a train to the west coast to start over. On that train was a man from the German military. He was here for some reason that I do not recall. But in the train car were they serve food. He got to eat his meal with the rest of the passengers, while she and her husband a veteran who fought for our country had to eat their meals from behind a curtain. Mind you this man was still in uniform and proudly decorated. She taught me that in this world no one but you can do for yourself.
Knowledge like that got me through hard times. I scrubbed toilets, I cleaned floors, I moped stalls, I wrapped newspaper bundles. I remember sleeping through nights of hunger. I remember sucking on a ketchup pack trying to get what little was in it to feed myself. I sacrificed I worked and I managed to get through college and I got a job that turned into a career. I went back and got a realtors license later and saw true success. I am very successful. And I hold my head up in pride that I did if for me.
I wanted to become a mom I had to search for answers if I was the right kind of woman that deserved to be a mom. I had anxiety I had fear I had despair. And I had people along the way walk with me. But they never saved me. I had to save myself.
My success, my ambitions , my fortitude were all given to me by a elderly woman in Vallejo who just got tired of seeing another woman be beaten without good reason. She gave me reason. I gave myself hope. She gave me inspiration. I gave myself accomplishments. She gave me wings and I learned to fly. But the one thing she had taught me was that despite the words, I had to want it bad enough. That the minimum standard for me was a starting point. Not a goal. And I am who I am today because I really wanted it that bad.
Then to receive a letter from someone I don’t know speak of love, and marriage seemed odd. Then to see the words "SAVED". It brought about such fury and anger within me. He like many of you only know me for what I write here. But unlike all of you he felt that I needed to be saved. Saved from what exactly? Saved from being a single woman? Saved from being a single parent? Saved from my sexuality? Saved from my obligations?
Let me quote Aretha Franklin and Annie Lennox "Sisters are doing it for themselves!"
I said it before and I will say it again. I do not hate men. Hate is such a strong word. But I do hate it when a man thinks he knows what's best for me. What was best for me was for me to get off my ass and do what I had to do. And the one thing that will never be taken away from me is the mere fact that were I got to in life I not only elevated myself, but I also elevated those within my two ethnic communities and women everywhere. That to me means a hell of a lot more to me than being saved. That is what my daughters will learn. That is what one woman in here saw and now she's on her journey to adopt children. My daughters will watch me and I will guide them with the simple wisdom taught to me by Mrs. Nichols. May she rest in peace now that she's in a place were her husband and her will never be behind the curtain.
This is not a slam on men. Not at all. There are some good and decent men in this world I have met many and I respect them all. And they saw me for who I am thank you.
This though is a message to that one idiot and others whom think like him. This is for you women too whom are always looking for an excuse on why you cannot do anything and why you are stuck were you are. If you really want it bad enough you will get out there and find a way. Get that education, get that knowledge of common sense, get that will to survive and see it through. Ladies there is no shame in doing work that is looked down upon. You have to hold your head up. I have more respect for a woman whom is in the adult entertainment industry but is using the money to better her position and say one day I will not do this anymore because I will get my education and move on. Than a woman who is handed the world only because of her parents good fortune and loses it all and blames everyone but herself. And continues to live off of her parents fortune. Born with a silver spoon in her mouth but end her life at the end of a plastic spork.
I feel better now. I think I said what needed to be said within my soul. I don’t need to be saved. And if I am headed to hell, I will go there on riding hells fire knowing I did more for myself, my daughters and women everywhere and have zero regrets! Hell has no fury like a woman scorned. So guess who's about to be schooled?
Damn Right!

An apology to all of you

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 03:23:59 GMT

I feel that I owe you all an apology. I lost my temper. This is just a taste of what real life brought me for many years. It does mot excuse my foul language nor my demeanor. I know I brought down the quality of this blog and its original purpose. I apologize to all of you for allowing my anger to get the best of me and losing myself in it.
Again I am sorry and please do not hold my own actions against my daughters Kiyomi and Hatsuko. I have no one to blame but myself and they should not carry my shame.

I GUESS WE ARE NOT DONE YET!

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 02:44:08 GMT

From:

Cookie Yamada
Edit your profile
To:

Larry's Art Collection Malgor Sadlon Artist
SAVE ME FROM WHAT? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GETTING AT? WHY DO I NEED SAVING? I AM NOT THE MORON WHO PUT IT HIS ASS OUT THERE WHEN I MADE IT VERY CLEAR IN MY PROFILE I AM NOT LOOKING TO DATE OR GET MARRIED TO ANY PERSON. ANY PERSON MEANS MAN AND WOMAN. I JUST BECAME A MOTHER! THEY ARE MY NUMBER ONE PRIORITY AS OF THE DAY I ARRIVED IN JAPAN.
I POSTED YOUR GODDAMN MESSAGE ON MY BLOG FOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO READ IT AND I WILL POST THIS ONE TOO! YOU LEAVE ME ALONE NOW. GO PLAY WHATEVER FUCK FUCK GAMES YOU ARE GETTING AT ON SOMEONE ELSE. MY GIRLS WILL COME BEFORE ANYONE! ESPECIALLY AN IDIOT LIKE YOURSELF TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT ME RATHER THEN RESPECT THE FACT I AM NOT OPEN FOR A RELATIONSHIP. YOU WANT A WOMAN THAT BADLY TRY GETTING OFF YOUR ASS AWAY FROM YOUR GODDAMN COMPUTER AND GO SOMEWHERE AND TRYING TALKING TO ONE FACE TO FACE LIKE THE REST OF THE WORLD. IF THAT IS TOO HARD FOR YOU THEN GO BACK INTO YOUR MAMAS BASEMENT WERE YOU BELONG!
LAST AND NOT LEAST, YOU DON'T GO MAKING A PASS AT AN OPENLY GAY WOMAN!

From: Larry's Art Collection Malgor Sadlon Artist
Sent: 4/19/2008 7:02:16 PM
To: Cookie Yamada
Subject: RE: OK Thank you no i Dont understand
Please forgive me i am Lost i Loved your Look's but i see i cant save you Pleas forgive me i can never Keep you and i dont think you can Love me Please forgive me

Okay lets take this from the top one more time

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 02:30:11 GMT

Homosexuality, sexual orientation toward people of the same sex. Homosexuality contrasts with heterosexuality, sexual orientation toward people of the opposite sex. People with a sexual orientation toward members of both sexes are called bisexuals (see Bisexuality). Female homosexuals are frequently called lesbians. In recent years, the term gay has been applied to both homosexual men and women.
I am what you call a LESBIAN. I have been slammed again by many men recently whom are looking for a date. Sorry guys I don’t want a date. No women have made a pass at me and that’s cool. And if one did I would turn her down just the same as the men I have been turning down. I am not here looking for love. I am not here looking to date. I am here on this blog to give those my friends an idea of how my life is going since coming to Japan to be a mother. Along the way my blog has touched people I was not expecting to touch. That pushes me on to continue and try even harder to be the best mom I can be. I don’t want to date because becoming a mom means devoting my time to raising children. I will not deviate from that. I made a commitment to those girls and that commitment will not be broken. If you are getting my messenger name from my page here it does not give you permission to message me. As of now I will change those setting to allow only those on my friends list to send me messages when it is active.
I did have a woman send me a msn message and I told her I will not talk to her It upset her, I do not care. She was looking to screw I am not. I met a wonderful girl and after her I made a personal choice never to date any other woman again. I do so because I will spend the rest of my life trying to make another Kathryn Stonewall out of her. No woman needs that if she comes with good personal intentions. So that should be enough for you guys to get it in your heads that if I am not looking to date then I am not looking to date.
And as for this idiot who believed he was my husband or could have been my husband or the right kind of husband for me. To hell with you! If I was going to have a man it wouldn't be one that looked like a Martha Stewart reject.

Here is another Moron. What part of LESBIAN in the profile dont you understand?

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 02:02:13 GMT

From:

Larry's Art Collection Malgor Sadlon Artist
Subject:
RE: OK Thank you Yes i understand
Sent:
4/19/2008 2:24:31 PM
   I know Girl's can live without a Man as your life is so much more easyer for you in your God Gift of Beauty

I am sorry to bother you I hope and Pray some Day you will feel a Love for me to as you know a Man Dream's the Thought's of being With a Beauty like you

But i have also Thought i didnt know the girl i was Dreaming to be in Love with and The Beautiful Angel in Love with me to

I dont know you but from my seeing you and wonting to keep you I do pray i am a good empression of a good man you can Love and Marry and be better off in your Life as you know and Live your Life with out me

So Please dont forget me I Pray you Pray for me to be my best for you Please Pray for me to win just once in my Life to win the greatist Love in Life what more is Better for us to have in Life is Love and Marrage I have lost most of my Life and i am Still trying to win a Beautiful Woman to Love and Marry me   I always ASK to be forgiven for thinking of Love asking you to Love me and i dont know if you need me as much as i think i need you and Please Pray for me to Win my Dream to Live a Dream to be Happy in Live in Love in our Home we build Together to make it the best for us We give our all to our Dream we can Live in for it is Posable and ready to start liveing Will you Please Think of all i give you in a Home and Family we Build together Sweetheart let Heavan sing for the Glory of our Love and Marrage for i Pray you do know and understand the Love is Great in me to have and Hold a Beauty God Gave you Beauty but for atracting your Mate in Your Life and i am trying to be your Truest Love Mate of all other's wonting you to

Please forgive me for wonting to take you away of your Wonderful easy Life there and come to me and go to Work building a Love perfict for you what ever your name is i know it's beautiful

I guess i better go God Bless you Sweetheart if you ever find a Beauty like you needing a good honest man like me Please send her home soon i need her Love and atension and understanding Love Sweetheart Thank you Please write when your not busy and maby you can think a way to get my art seen more to more people in France to sell my Art Collection so i can have the money to live a life like you

Please Pray for me     Larry O'Brien

Anger

Sat, 19 Apr 2008 08:19:22 GMT

Its 413 in the after noon here in Japan as I begin writing this portion of the blog. I asked both girls to give me some time to cool off. See its all regarding yesterday. Friday afternoons I reserve with my kids and I to have some private time. It could mean dinner out in town or a movie or something were its us three. The weekend before that I was dealing with a house full of teenagers so I was really looking forward to Friday and an evening spent having dinner then hitting up this amateur music venue.
At lunch time Kiyomi had called me and let me know she was going to be very late coming home. My first impression was she's going to spend some extra time with Akira. No, she had gotten into trouble at school. Well she wasn’t the culprit. She has a very strict teacher and what had happened was one of her fellow students left her cell phone on in class and It beeped. This set the teacher off. She chewed them out then lined all the girls up in a line and used both hands and smacked each girl on the face. Then as further punishment all would stay behind after school for additional discipline.
First I can understand the teacher being upset over the cell phone but to have her touch my daughter is not right. In half a heartbeat I went from this person you see here writing this blog to BITCH! No one disciplines my daughter but me.
I put on my jeans a more appropriate shirt and headed to the school in my car. When I got there I went straight into the office and demanded to speak to the head mistress regarding why a teacher hit my daughter. They looked a little confused OK no biggie I remember were the classroom is so I told them, ok you want to gaff me off, I will deal with this myself. That’s when I had three women follow me trying to stop me and calm me down. First you play dumb now you understand me?
Now I am angry.
One lady told me I couldn't go in there I told her, if you think you can; try and stop me. Now when I become angry I begin to stutter. And I confuse my words very easily. I was born in America raised speaking English. My Japanese and Spanish (yes Spanish I am half Puerto Rican and that’s were my temper comes from) were always broken but enough to help me get by. I marched right in there she looks at me I see Kiyomi and I say in English "Is this her"? Kiyomi nods yes and I turn to her teacher. Don't you ever lay a hand on my daughter ever again. She's looks at me like she doesn’t understand me. I said You hit my daughter and she said yes I hit all the girls not just your daughter and if necessary it will be done again. The hell you will! So you will hit my daughter again? I am her mother, if she is out of line you call me and I will smack her ass if she needs it. You are nothing more than her teacher. Remember that!" and she has the distinct nerve to look at me like who are you look on her face and gives me the rudest "HUMPH" Then placed her hand on me telling me to leave her classroom.
OK a bit of my background. I was raised in a town called Vallejo, California. I grew up on the west side of the town closest to the shipyard. I got beat up a lot growing up because I was different. Once I started to gain some back bone and started defending myself did it all finally stop. After that I let no one put there hands on me and I learned to fight on those streets. I hated it. Coming home from school I always had something. I used to change the way I went home just so I could avoid issues but also because I was afraid. I got tired of being afraid. I got tired of running. I got tired of the beatings. I was already taking my beatings at home from my own mother I didn’t need one in advance just because I was easy to mess with. There is just a moment in your life when you just get tired of it all. And I learned from that ass kicking I would get and I promised myself to leave that place once I got out of High School. I would get an education and do something worthy of my life. It was either dream and try for that dream or stay there and be afraid.
So when Miss Hayashi there put her hands on me she got schooled in the art of my right hand grabbing her arm twisting it to my right and the back of my left hand coming across me the to her face which dropped her right on her ass. On the floor she looked up at me and I said don’t you dare get up. You had no right to put your hand on me. If you do get up I will put you back down even harder. That bell when it rings to mark the end of the day you will release Kiyomi on time. She is not going to pay for some other girls mistake. I will be right outside and if she doesn’t come out as expected I will come in here and drop you again. If I cant get in then I will wait till you come out. It will be a long weekend for the two of us if you don’t come out. I looked at Kiyomi she was scared.
Out side the classroom the head mistress was there and she was not pleased but she didn’t raise her voice at me. She very politely asked me to leave the school grounds and she would address the issue of her hitting Kiyomi and the rest of the students cause it may have been uncalled for. But she also made it clear that she does have to follow protocol and make a incident report of what happened despite the fact that the teacher did place her hand on me. So I walked out and I waited for Kiyomi. For a few hours I waited outside cause I was too upset to drive. Probably good that I didn't I might have done something stupid in that car and regret it.
The whole time though I was being watched and the head mistress came out to talk to me as to why I had not left. I told her that I need to calm down and driving while angry could be a mistake. She understood. And she took the time to hear my side of the story. I told her how I asked to speak to someone in charge and her staff in the office played dumb. I don’t like it when people act that way. She agreed. All of this could have been handled at that level had the ladies in there just simply put me with someone who could address it. Talking to her was easy. She heard me out and she expressed her concerns.
While we talked some more the school was let out and we both watched and Kiyomi came out on time with her class. Girls were whispering like that’s her that her mom over there. She was the one. Kiyomi and I walked to the car and left.
On the way home it was very quiet. I had already spoken to Hatsukos teacher and they let her know that I was coming to get her due to no one would be home to let her in. So the school would keep her behind and have her do some extra curricular until I showed up. Kiyomi then broke the silence. Mom? Yes hon. Can I say something and you not get mad please? Sure. Mom the older students all heard about it and well. They all think and me too, What you did was so cool cause that teacher is very mean! After you left she was very stunned and was out of sync with herself so when it came time to go home she just said everyone leave.
Cool or not, I just wasn’t in the mood to really hear that. Hearing Kiyomi out and stories she heard from older students and the head mistress telling me that Miss Hayashi was very difficult at times, that perhaps this was something long overdue.
Thank you though for letting me vent. I was not going to write this but I needed to get it out of my system. I hope you all took the time to look at the YouTube video that the guy sent me to get a jest of that children's song. I was really hiding my emotions then which is why I waited to write this later cause I would of most likely said something stupid. Sorry for getting all mad.

Ghost in the Shell - Tachikoma Self-Sacrifice

Sat, 19 Apr 2008 03:25:28 GMT

A reader of this blog who just read my latest entry contacted me. He is an older guy and asked not to be named because he doesn’t want the rest of you to see him as he put it (anime dork). The song Te no hira wo taiyou can be heard partially in its original form from a cartoon named Ghost in the Shell. According to him there are these robots that have a intelligence that has evolved. But people still consider them machines. They want to be seen as alive. So in this scene from the You Tube link he provided the robots are singing the song because they made a choice to sacrifice themselves so many people can live. Its not the whole song but it gives you an idea of just how it goes!
Thanks well I guess I will call you dude!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uELeeRer4Hg&feature=related
No offense but you must watch a lot of those cartoons to spot that song so easily! Still though thank you for helping me out with my blog and again thank you for following what I write and for the kind words you have expressed that I am doing well. But sorry I cannot adopt you

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