Nekogirl's Realm

Several years ago I got this old Jeep to help settle a divorce.  I was buying a home in foreclosure and the married couple agreed on a price to sell me the home at.  On top of that the husband didn’t want his wife to have the Jeep so he sold it to me for 500.00!  The thing was old but I had a soft spot for I.  Since getting it, I got new tires rims new paint sound system.  Painted the thing pink and black!  It quickly became my toy for the urban jungle.  What better way to cruise around the valley in a bikini on a hot summer night.  Trips to Sedona, New Mexico, and anywhere in between.  I totally forgot how fun that thing was.

So why mention it?  For it was that Jeep that took us to our first 4th of July fireworks show.  See, the girls and I got in it because to me it’s the easiest way to kick back and watch a good show from a car.  But I totally forgot the freedom it had.  Kiyomi was quick to remind me of that freedom too.  See Kiyomi is starting to develop from a girl into a woman.  So when we were in the house changing she came to chat with me in my room and my walk in closet.  She was amazed by the sheer size and the amount of clothes I had.  No joke my walk in closet is 967 square feet of custom built fixtures that have all my clothes.  I even have a special vanity for cosmetics.  So it didn’t take long for her to try on clothes. 

Here I am with Kiyomi in my closet and we are playing dress up.  Hatsuko joined us and it became a fashion show.  Outfit after outfit laugh after laugh I was feeling the comfort and warmth of this house as it was meant to feel.  Before long we had hot pants and mini tops.  Down the road we cruised jamming to my sisters cd and drinking bottled water.  Both girls were excited over how a Jeep feels with its air running over our bodies and the sky above us.  Clouds were coming in but we found a good spot and just chilled.  It wasn’t long before we three were catching the eyes of young men and a few tried to come and talk to us only to learn that I was the mom and those two were underage.  Still the thrill of it all was great!  Lights went down fireworks raced across the sky and booms echoed.  Both my girls were grinning ear to ear over the sight,  And when it was all done we cruised and stopped at a SONICS for 3 banana splits and a moment to reflect in that Jeep. 

Many people spend money on crazy vacations or ideas to have fun.  This though was free.  Just some fun at home a cruise into the dusk, a light show and ice cream while guys cruised us as if we were the flavor of the month.  Those are the simple things in life we tend to overlook.  I am glad I didn’t miss it.  These are how memories are made of.  I cant wait to see what tomorrow brings!

Hi:

Now this is probably on the minds of many of you.  We are in Phoenix Arizona.  We arrived in country prior to Independence Day.  Now the big question.  What have you all been doing?  Showing them America.  Take two preteen Japanese girls out of their element, put them in a new country 1/2 way around the world with a new language, lifestyle, and home and yeah you can imagine the culture shock they are enduring.

But lets get to the start.  We arrived in country and cleared customs.  They were in shock.  Okasan (mom) we are in San Francisco?  Yes we are.  They looked out the airport windows only too see that we were south of San Francisco and is disappointing view.  But they did get their first taste of See's candies from a kiosk and boy did they love those!!!

After a quick lunch and a trip into the restroom to freshen up we boarded a plane to Phoenix.  Just about 2 hours in the sky and taxing we were home.  I got my girls and at the luggage area was a drive waiting for us.  This was their first taste of luxury for outside in the heat was a long black limousine we got inside and off to the house we went.  In my mind I was like wow I am home those two were glued despite exhaustion to the windows and every other comment from them was ooooooooooooooh!      American cars are so much bigger!  Look at the houses over there!  Look at how blue the sky is.  Wow that mountain has weird holes in it!  Look at that one family!  They are all so big they must eat very well and everything!  I sit back and take it all in.  Then I recognize the area.  My home is coming upon us very soon.  That’s when I heard Hatsuko.  NANI SO-RE!  Translation - WHAT'S THAT!  That house is so big!  Its huge, who would want to live in a house that big?  And they both freaked out as the driver turned into the drive way.  They both looked at me.  No comment no words just a look of shock. 

The driver is removing luggage I open the door and my two little sparrows go into the house and are running around like children in a playground.  I tip the driver thank him for his time and ask him to return in a few hours to bring us to dinner.  Its been a while since I have been in this house.  When I left it was undergoing construction.  I had a Japanese style bathroom built.  I also had the front door and area around the front door reconstructed for personal reasons I will not mention here.  The sudden change in this house was intense.  I can here the girls rush around in excitement.  I walk the house again and memories came back.  Everything from places were I cried alone to moments of sheer joy.  I walk the halls and see the fruits of my labor.  I stand in awe  now.  The silence is gone by the sheer squeals of two girls exploring this house.  I go upstairs to my bedroom and find that the girls both find their own rooms.  they also found mine.  So many questions of mom this and mom that!  They love my bedroom then Hatsuko squeals one more time!  Mom has a swimming pool and a stairway from her bedroom to the pool downstairs!!!!!

They both go running out the balcony and down the spiral staircase.  Normally I would take all my clothes off and swim nude.  but instead I put on a bikini and go running out too like a little girl and as I do I push each one in the pool and dive in myself.  If they weren't fully awake they are now.  I am laughing both girls are stunned then decide to come after me.  There we were playing in the water like school age children.  This very moment were I have been wanting happiness in this very home was finally achieved.  I feel so alive now.

Now the big question.  Will we actually stay here?

OK, I know a lot of you are upset that I stopped writing.  I am sorry.  I haven't stopped, but rather have been bogged down with real life work.  Its not easy being in Japan and trying to stick to a time frame to answer emails, international phone calls and faxes from my firm in Arizona.  Furthermore the Foreclosure situation has my Title Firm in overdrive.  Several months ago long before I left the US to adopt I had a real estate arm to my small company and was very successful.  None of the houses I sold have gone under.  That is why my office is in chaos.  Though I sold that arm to Remax, people whom are desperate to sell have been coming to my office there trying to get out from under the terror they are in.  Now any good investor will tell you this is a buyers market.  But not all that you buy is good.  So that has left me in a position were I am looking at email images of homes running comps from here waiting on appraisals to decide ok this is a good buy, or no this isn't a good buy.  And honestly, many are not good buys.  I have purchased a few non good buys only because there was a family with children and they were losing everything.  So I purchased a home at about what they needed to get out of the debt they were in.  That was a mistake cause I did that 4 times and word spread like wildfire in the valley.  That has left my staff with the duty of turning away people with children and seeing into their eyes having to tell them I am sorry the offer is not accepted.  All of this can be solved very easily.  The President can order a 90 day freeze on all foreclosures and sales and have those arms placed into  a fixed.  But that will not happen.  I will say this though.  My office has seen people with homes purchased at 400K with a home value of 200K or less.  People got shop happy on these homes buying houses at large offers thinking they were going to flip it very soon.  Not wise.

Now on the other note.  I have been making sure all our immunizations and medical records are up to date for entering the United States.  This will be a unique time for the girls and I.  We are leaving Japan this Thursday and will arrive in Arizona.  For the first time they will not only see America but also see my home there.  Prior to leaving I had a construction crew redo a portion of the house to make it into a Japanese bathroom.  I ordered to go all out.  Spared no expense.  It took them close too 40 days to redo and complete my vision.  I saw the pictures and it looks great!  But then I had another reality check.

In my time here with Kiyomi and Hatsuko I learned that I can give them the world.  But that doesn’t make me a better mother.  I learned all I had to be was me.  We have a nice home here in Japan.  Only because we made it that way as a family.  I do not think that will be done with the home in Phoenix.  That house is over eight thousand square feet in size.  It is luxurious, it is attractive, it is everything many of you would dream of in a home.  It is also a place that has brought me as much pain as much pleasure. 

But my life is different now.  I have children, and a new sense of self.  That could turn that home around.  Those are words many of you will say to me.  Now lets look at the reality.  America is a whole different animal than Japan.  Kiyomi and Hatsuko, will have a language barrier, no friends, and a new lifestyle.  That is what I am paying attention too.  Yes I know they will adjust.  But I also have a firm to run.  Right now I am making it work.  However I made this decision.  Depending on the girls welfare and how they see America, will determine if I as their mother will either sell my Arizona home and reside in Japan and petition for full citizenship or stay in Arizona and take one step at a time and allow the girls to grow.  They are in summer break for 45 days.  That’s not a lot of time really to make that decision.  But its what is given to me.  I know they have boyfriends and will miss them.  Though I told them there are much cuter guys in America! 

We shall see what cards are to be played when the time comes.  I will not try to read into this too much.  maybe back on American soil I can then pay closer attention to this blog too.  I love you all and will write again soon.  I promise!

I don’t know were exactly to start this blog.  We are not home.  I am in Osaka I have the girls with me.  I would like to share the reason why I am in Osaka it is something positive for me but I do not have happy news to report so let me come straight with it.  I mentioned about Hatsukos friend the one that collapsed at school.  She died.  The girl was 11 years old.  All I know was she was laughing and giggling when she was walking with Hatsuko.  They were on their way to do something when she collapsed.  I am not a doctor don’t know the details other than she died rather quickly.  Excuse my language but Hatsuko is really fucked up right now.  I am not asking details on what caused the girls death, so please respect that and not inquire. 

Again we are in Osaka, I am in the recording studio regarding a audition.  When I am not in the studio I am with the girls.  This is going to take a while so to all those whim waited patiently please stand by for now.  I will resume this blog once things start to feel normal

In this forum of mine which is my blogs, my main reason was to focus on my girls and the adoption and how things have been.  I did speak of such and also expanded my blog to include other issues.  It was nice to hear feedback from people both in and out.  So this morning as I write this I am finally cooled down from the temper I had yesterday.  Before you say, oh boy here she goes again something about her being gay or this girl she opened her heart out to but got rejected, her band or someone doing something.  This blog is supposed to be about the kids.  So before you get upset this is about to go in a direction that will leave you all in shock, and a few of you grossed out.  And it combines everything I mentioned to include the girls.

Now the new house here is still in some chaos.  We are unpacking things still setting up our new home getting in to this new beginning.  Now I didn’t mention that my aunt Hiroko has been trying to play matchmaker.    If I did I am sorry.  I have so much family here in Japan.  But Aunt Hiroko is the kind of lady who believes she knows what's best for you and will try to force it down your throat till you give in.  Everyone gives in to her.  They don’t like dealing with the drama so they just take the beatings cause it improves the morale. 

She has been for many years trying to get me to date a guy.  I flat out refuse.  Now this time around as I am setting up a happy home here she has been trying to make that happen.  But let me rewind you a few days.  Lets go back to the day I posted the blog were I let you all vote.  After I posted that blog, I was alone in the house cause both girls had made plans.  So since I had just finished unpacking some boxes I needed a break but I was a bit lonely so I decided to fire up the new laptop and go into my old haunts in Second Life.  See friends hear some live musicians, maybe take in a online movie or game or see what trouble I can get into.  As you all were reading the blog I came across a very attractive avi and got to know the girl behind it.  After a bit of talking and hanging out I took a strong interest in her to a point were I was feeling foolish for having made that blog.  I see old friends I met this girl we are all having fun.  During this time my aunt Hiroko has been plotting and scheming to get me to meet this guy.  Now before you ask his name, I will say now, its not important.  You don’t need to know it because quite frankly if you hear that name again in your lifetime what he does that I will write about in this blog will come back to haunt you.  Perhaps.

Days go by, I am happy and then get the scare of my life when Hatsukos school calls and tells me she had an accident  and was in need of medical attention and that an ambulance was in route to the school.  I went out of my mind.  I was so in a panic and fit I had trouble trying to figure out how to open the car doors.  I was fortunate that a neighbor was home and drove me to the school cause I was hysterical.  When I got there I learned Hatsuko was fine, it was her friend that slipped and fell head first on the stairs were she also hit her neck.  Though I am grateful Hatsuko was safe, the other girl is not and my heart goes out to her family.  Since her injuries we have been folding paper cranes here at the house.  This is Hatsukos best friend in a new school so it means a lot to her.  

So yesterday I go online to Second Life.  I see my sister Umi, and my online daughter (she's a lady who I consider as family like Kiaa who posts comments here) Karalynn, Wonny my drummer.  We are all out shopping online  when I hear a doorbell.  It was aunt Hiroko and the guy and his parents.  I am like who what the F***!?!  That’s right and she just comes right in.  First I am not dressed for company, second my house is not done, and third you don’t bring people to my house and make your way inside without first asking me.  So here I am. now at a table in my living room.  I had to make tea, and lucky I had pastries enough for all.  So I am sitting there and I am hearing my aunt talk and talk about he will make a good husband he doesn’t have a great job but that’s ok cause I do very well financially.  But I got kids and they need a father.  Keep in mind I am not being allowed to get a word in edgewise.  Plus he doesn’t look clean.  His parents look nice though.  Now I keep trying to say something my aunt keeps stopping me my temper is about to pop and I see that the guy is not only shacking but he's sweating buckets!.  I stop my aunt and ask him if he is ok?  He said yes but he takes off his sock and my guess was right cause his foot looked dirty and he uses that dirty sock to wipe his face and neck.  Talk about nasty!

This is were I lost it.  I tell them I am sorry , there is no way I will marry their son cause for starters, I am gay, second, my daughters don’t need a father, I am their mother and it will be I who will choose who will share my life with, third I will not financially support a man who should be busting ass on his own to make a life.  Especially since he is 44 years old.  And last but not least, if I wanted a man it wont be him.  I want one with some backbone who looks like he knows how to use a bar of soap!  With that said I kicked everyone out my house!

He's probably a virgin anyway, and if he is I would not want a man who has to be taught.  I want one that knows what the hell he is doing!       

Now with that said, I feel a hell of a lot better.  I don't know what my aunt was thinking.  I am sure she meant well but I know what's best for me.  And what's best for me are Kiyomi and Hatsuko, and not a guy who I will have to baby like a kid.

Since the posting of my declaration to Nekorina, many of you were in suspense.  Two more additions were made then the words from Nekorina -

Nekorina

5/14/2008 6:58:47 AM

(http://cid-2502ac9367fe4c35.spaces.live.com/)

We need to talk.

After that it was like the world was in suspense again and I found my email and personal messages over flowed with what did she say?  Anything new?  Some from you guys with expressions of love towards me to  your own personal promises of how you would treat me.  Thank you. 

But things have not changed.  Quite honestly her answer is no.  Now is the world still in suspense.  Yes it is.  So much so that I have learned that my blogs are being translated as is into other languages.  Here is a site that is from RUSSIA that is carrying my blog from here http://www.tgsc.ru/redirect/mynekogirl.html .  It appears in English but  it is translated into Russian.  The webmaster contacted me requesting more more more,  Especially now with the Nekorina Announcement.  Here is another site:  http://www.qihoo.com/wenda.php?kw=Kiyomi&do=search&noq=q

The idea that my blog is being fed through over web sites is very overpowering.  So with the question asked of me, of what will I do now regarding Nekorina.  I though that the question was answered when I said I would just move on.  But I see that from all the responses a large number of you are asking me not to give up.  One of you mentioned that by putting it out there to be read I was being honest.  Another said I was being a fool.  Whether it was right or wrong the choice was still mine.  Try to look at it from my own viewpoint.  What do I have to lose?  I can call her tell her over the phone what I said here but that is not enough.  I needed something more than just mere words here.  So I cam clean.  I said it in here for the world to see.  So she could also see that I had opened my entire soul.  It overwhelmed her and it was not enough though to make her stop and say OK and YES.  Does she love me?  She said she does.  Do I?  I wouldn't have opened my soul to love if I wasn’t feeling it for her.  But the question is, Do I put up a fight for her heart and run the risk of pushing her away like I did with Kathryn?  Or do I lick my wounds and just accept the fact I will never be someone special to a person.  Yes I have a mothers love and I get loved by Kiyomi and Hatsuko.  And I am special to them.  But even I cannot deny the part in my heart that begs to ask to be loved.  Can I really be more to someone?  I too want to be loved.  I want to be romanced.  I want to be cuddled and cared and kissed and adored.  I want to feel the hands of a woman embrace me in the bed.  I want to be kissed coming home from work.  I want to hold her in a hot shower and look in her eyes.  I want to grow old and die in my sleep with someone who loved me enough to be there when I breathe my last breath.

So I put this in your hands.  If my blog really means that much to all of you.  All those that apparently read it and translate it then answer me in the comments.  Give me a 1 for a yes or 2 for a no.  If I have less than 5 responses then I will feel like a fool.  So if I mean that much to all of you please respond.  I am very sure of myself, but even  must ask what is right for me.  I don’t have that much experience in love.  Following my heart is not enough.  I don’t have the experience.  So answer me publicly.  Do I go for Nekorina all out with open arms in hopes that something comes of it.  Or do I just stay single and celibate?  1 for a yes 2 for a no.  I place this in your hands.